Ad Finem 'til the end
by misha2
Summary: Yue's grief over the death of his love has not faded over the centuries. Now his identity and his very existance may depend on his learning to heal, but he'll have help from an unexpected source. Contains shonen ai, immortality angst, and lots of mush.
1. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    This story contains SPOILERS for the entire manga series as well
    as shonen ai (homosexual themes) and VAST quantities of what my
    onee-sama calls 'WAFF' and I call 'Undiluted sap.' You have been
    warned.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    On the white throat of the useless passion
    That scorched my soul with its burning breath
    I clutched my fingers in murderous fashion,
    And gathered them close in a grip of death;
    For why should I fan, or feed with fuel,
    A love that showed me but blank despair?
    So my hold was firm, and my grasp was cruel-
    I meant to strangle it then and there!
    I thought it was dead. But with no warning,
    It rose from its grave last night, and came
    And stood by my bed till the early morning,
    And over and over it spoke your name.
    from "Ad Finem" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Sakura woke to the sound of birds and the cold morning
    light. Somehow this particular morning the compulsion to rise
    and greet the day seemed greatly muted, however, and she wondered
    vaguely if it had anything to do with the quickly fading whole
    body dream memory of being tightly wrapped in something soft and
    warm and infinitely comforting. She sighed a little trying to
    hold on to the sensation both sensual and spiritual. A good omen
    for the day to come, perhaps. But there had been more to it than
    that. Her waking mind struggled hard to remember why her
    emotional reaction to this dream setting had been so strong, but
    all she came up with was a sense of almost childlike joy and a
    light warm tickle across her skin. Almost like ... feathers ...
    White ones.
    And then it was gone, and she shivered as her feet found
    their way out of the blankets and into the chill morning air.
    It was only September and already she was feeling the coming
    of winter deep within herself. She loved the anonymity that
    living this far north brought her, but she could easily have done
    without the severe winters.
    Anonymity. She'd lived in the middle of Tokyo for over a
    hundred and twenty years and no one had ever noticed that there
    was anything different about her. It had been foolish of her not
    to consider the possible consequences years earlier, though. It
    had been easier to think about such things after her father's
    death. Easier to leave the city where memories hung so thick in
    the air that their incense occasionally made her throat close
    tightly and her eyes water a little.
    Not that memories were so easily left behind.
    And so she'd packed and locked up and had moved her whole
    life into this ancient mansion in the Northern hills where she
    could continue her magical studies in peace with no more than the
    occasional rumor about her being started by the sparse and poorly
    educated locals. She had come to the part of her life where she
    valued solitude more than gold.
    She had much to do.
    ***
    Yue studied the diagram his master had begun to lay out on
    the floor. So very ... traditional. Not like her usual approach
    at all!
    "You seem troubled," said his fellow guardian Keroberus
    walking silently up behind him. Yue scowled once more at the
    diagram, then turned to point accusingly at the markings.
    "Look at this," he said with calm disapproval. "Where did
    we go wrong?"
    The great lion beast knelt before the offending project. He
    began to study it with a knowledgeable eye. "Looks like she's
    going to try a light spell."
    "That's what it looks like to you, is it?" Yue glared
    darkly at his companion. They hadn't always agreed on every
    matter before, but this was the only recent time he'd suspected
    him of total idiocy. "It doesn't strike you as a little odd that
    Sakura-sama ... That OUR master, Kinomoto Sakura ... would be
    spending hours and hours pouring over books on European magic and
    elementalism just so that she can produce two candle powers worth
    of illumination by means of the most basic of beginner's spells
    in the most traditional way possible?"
    Keroberus shrugged. "Maybe it's just for fun. Maybe it's
    another meditation. And who's to say that it's not part of some
    larger working. Sakura can take care of herself."
    "I know that," he said slowly. "But she's been able to
    produce simple magical light in at least four different ways
    since she was twelve years old. These days she doesn't even have
    to consciously think about it. She just smiles and entire towns
    begin squinting. What possible reason could she have for setting
    up a spell like this in the first place, let alone taking such
    painfully simple baby steps to do so? Have you ever known her to
    use *any* form of traditional magic?"
    Keroberus blinked. "You're really worried about this,
    aren't you?"
    "No," Yue growled. "But I don't like it. Not one bit. Is
    she or isn't she the only heir of Clow Reed? Of *our* creator!
    Why is she wasting time doing work that's considered far beneath
    any second year novice in every school of magic that he ever put
    to shame? Didn't he show that his way was far superior to
    theirs? Didn't he prove that magic becomes most powerful when it
    is not only focused, but intuitive? Why this romp through the
    age of superstition and anal retention? She's the most powerful
    magician in the world! Why regress to the middle ages? Why turn
    her back on everything he did? Doesn't she have faith in his
    work?"
    "She's coming," said Keroberus unnecessarily. They could
    both feel her magical aura approaching like a wave of heat in the
    air. Strong. She was so incredibly strong. More and more every
    year her magic flowed through them and empowered them both. To
    Yue, though, this only served as a reminder of the outrage at
    hand.
    "Good morning!" she chirped in her typically cheerful Sakura
    way. While Keroberus trotted over to have his head scratched, Yue
    tried hard to maintain his irritable silence. How dare she be in
    such an infectiously cheerful mood when she was in the middle of
    flaunting the very principles that had created him and that
    traitor Keroberus. He wouldn't smile. He wouldn't say good
    morning. He wouldn't be won over by the genuine love and joy
    that surged through their powerful magical connection. He stood
    silently and waited for her attention.
    "Good morning Yue-san," and she looked at him and smiled so
    openly; so winningly; and his soul hung suspended between his
    body and those perfectly guileless eyes. And moments passed.
    "Good morning master," he whispered meekly, then kept silent
    trying to gather his thoughts. Quite a fix he was in. Not only
    was it terribly difficult to judge her harshly when her presence
    warmed him so, it was also truly not his place to judge her at
    all. Not anymore. And so he stood, torn in loyalty between the
    master who had created him and the one who sustained him and gave
    him such contentment.
    He was so proud of everything that she'd accomplished.
    Keroberus looked from one of them to the other, then cleared
    his throat. "What is it you're working on here, Sakura-chan?"
    She pointed to a pile of books stacked chaotically on her
    desk. "You remember those books I found at the house in Hong
    Kong last month? They *are* the ones I've been looking for.
    Basic Western magic stuff. I've been trying to get a feel for
    their system. I made some inquiries a few years ago, but
    couldn't find a single practitioner who was willing to consider
    any kind of an exchange or even taking someone like me on as a
    student. That's why I started looking for books, but they're
    rare to begin with and jealously guarded. Luckily, Li-san had
    the set that Clow-san's father left him, and she said I could-"
    "But why?" Yue asked, some of his earlier pique returning.
    "You don't need those!"
    She blinked at him. "What ... do you mean, Yue?"
    He exhaled sharply. Could it be that she really had no idea
    why it was a bad idea to mire herself down in the limited
    mechanical tripe that passed for magic in the barbarian lands?
    Not that Chinese or Japanese traditions were any better, but
    hadn't she learned *anything* in the last two centuries?
    But her eyes were on him again, and when he spoke the tones
    were gentle.
    "Sakura-sama," he closed his eyes and searched for the
    proper phrase. "These books have little to do with *real* magic.
    Perhaps your time could be better spent elsewhere. With your
    abilities there is much that could be accomplished."
    She sighed, a slightly tired look in her eyes. "The world
    unfolds as it should. It doesn't need my help. It doesn't want
    my help. Right now my only goals are to learn as much as I can
    and try not to cause too much harm."
    "But master! You-"
    "Don't talk like that, Sakura-chan," Keroberus interrupted
    expertly. "What you need is another trip. A chance to get away
    from all this for a while."
    She wasn't so easily distracted, though. As Keroberus
    looked up hopefully, Sakura and Yue regarded each other. She
    knew, then, that his concerns were not minor ones. He relaxed
    internally knowing that she'd never ignore or dismiss them no
    matter what distractions that great winged house cat tried to
    throw at them. He inclined his head slightly, a silent
    acknowledgment that he would listen, and waited.
    For a moment she looked almost guilty as she glanced at the
    diagram on the floor, but the resolve returned to her features
    quickly. "I find that I am ill prepared for the tasks that I
    sense are coming," she admitted seriously. "I've searched Clow-
    san's notes and my own experience and intuition and come up
    short. There is much work to be done. I know that. The truth
    is that I'm just not powerful enough to finish it. I just don't
    have the skills."
    "How can you say that?" he protested. "How can you hope to
    find your answers in those poor limited moldy tomes? There is
    more magic in any one of Master Clow's cards than there is in
    that entire stack of books. More power in one Sakura card than
    there is in all the written magical lore of the entire European
    continent. What possible benefit could be gained by making
    yourself attend to the mundane details of a nothing spell like
    this?"
    Sakura was quiet. She looked deeply into his eyes obviously
    puzzled. "I'm sorry, Yue-san," she said at last. "I didn't
    realize you felt so strongly about this." She walked slowly
    towards him and took hold of his shoulder gently. "Please
    believe me, though, that this line of study *is* necessary.
    There are many important things I *haven't* learned how to do
    myself, and if there's even a chance that the answers might be
    found in all the lore that I bypassed, I can't just dismiss it
    all as worthless."
    Yue shook his head slowly. "I don't understand. What could
    possibly be so important that you'd turn your back on the path
    Clow Reed laid out?"
    "I'm not turning my back on Clow-san's path." Her voice
    remained quiet and steady, but her hurt was obvious. "I haven't
    forgotten all the things I learned from him, or from you two.
    But even Clow was not able to accomplish everything he wanted to
    in his lifetime."
    Irritation returned. Yue looked down upon his master, his
    mind filled with a contempt that he had rarely felt since finding
    her worthy. How had he failed so badly? Why did she not
    understand her purpose? "No one does everything they want in one
    life time, Sakura-sama. It is enough that one does all they can
    to contribute in the way they are best suited."
    His gaze was colder than he intended, and she, magically
    sensitive to him, trembled a little, but continued to meet his
    eyes with purpose and determination. "I know that, Yue. But
    where he failed, I *will* succeed. I have to."
    Yue blinked. Was it possible- "You're doing all of this
    just to be greater than he was? I never thought-"
    "I'm not interested in being greater than Clow-san!" she
    protested. "But I also don't want to repeat his mistakes! I'm
    not going to live forever, you know, and-" She stopped abruptly
    and her hand fell away from her moon guardian. Hher eyes
    desperately searched his for some sign of understanding. All she
    found in them was confusion and disapproval. Flustered, she took
    a step backwards.
    The two guardians waited in silence for a few moments, then
    Keroberus asked the obvious question. "Are you thinking of
    leaving us, master?"
    She shook her head. "Of course not. I've still got a
    couple of good centuries in me, I think. But Syaoran thought he
    would live many years too, and ... you just never know. I won't
    be able to rest easily until I'm sure."
    Yue wrinkled his brow. "Sure of what, master?" He was
    beginning to worry. She was determined, it seemed, to follow
    this course, but at the same time she seemed so ... lost. It was
    very unlike his Sakura-sama.
    "Sure that when... I just don't know what else to do. I
    ... I can't ..."
    Feeling her way to the chair by her desk, she shook her head
    again visibly struggling to find words. Never had she seemed so
    fragile to Yue. So tired and confused. For a moment he had an
    impulse to go to her; to say he was sorry; to offer comfort in
    whatever way he possibly could, but she pulled herself together.
    She reasserted her powerful will. She looked up at him with an
    attitude of command that she seldom (oh, so seldom) used. "I'm
    sorry." she said quietly, "but could you leave me alone for a
    while?"
    She looked back down. Her eyes fixed vaguely on the
    markings on the floor and her hands met in her lap.
    "Of course, master," Keroberus immediately replied. He
    looked meaningfully at the Moon Guardian.
    Yue was silent for a moment, but then went out into the
    hall, and closed the door behind himself and Keroberus. "What
    was that all about?" he asked in puzzlement once they were a safe
    distance away, but his companion was keeping his own counsel, and
    as they each thought of something else they ought to be doing,
    the uncomfortable silence stretched on.
    ***
    _That went well,_ Sakura observed ironically. It hadn't
    even occurred to her that one of her guardians might object in
    any way to her study of any traditional magics. Clow Reed had
    studied them once too. Yes, he had developed his own system, but
    it was based heavily on other lores. Just because the
    practitioners of those lores had objected to his "tampering"
    didn't mean that Clow's work had not drawn heavily from the work
    of others. Millennia of it. So why was Yue so opposed to her
    studying even the most basic of traditional spells? Didn't he
    realize that she was doing it for...
    That was what had hurt most of all that he had questioned
    her motives. Even her very loyalty. When all she wanted was...
    When all she wanted was...
    When all she wanted was to protect him. At any cost she
    wanted to keep him safe and well. He'd nearly perished once
    before because he hadn't had a master whose magic was strong
    enough to sustain him, and she knew that someday he would no
    longer be able to rely on her power.
    And she didn't know what to do about it.
    Clow's magic had been rejected by the magicians of his day
    for many reasons. One could argue about the eternal struggle of
    established order against progress, the merit of centuries of
    testing and method, and the inability of any institution to
    accept new ideals without feeling threatened, but the bottom line
    was that Clow's system, while powerful, still had a few problems.
    The worst of these was, how was his moon guardian to be sustained
    without drawing power directly from a strong human master?
    Sakura knew from experience that such a master might not be easy
    to find after her own death, and Yue would be in danger again.
    And since Clow had never found a solution to this problem in his
    own lifetime, she had turned to the disciplines which he had
    drawn from to see what their secrets of sustaining master works
    were.
    So far, though, the results were not encouraging. Whether by
    design, or because of inability, all of their works seemed to be
    uniformly transitory. No spell or magical creation ever lasted
    after the attention of the caster was removed.
    She wondered once again how Clow had made the jump from
    their teachings to his revolutionary and wildly successful
    approach. She hoped that studying their basics would give her
    ideas for her own innovations. Clow's theories hadn't sprung
    from nowhere. It was unfair of Yue to expect her to be able to
    formulate *everything* from intuition. She'd been lucky so far,
    but this particular wall was one that she'd been beating her head
    against for far too many years.
    She knew that she should probably speak to him about it, but
    she hadn't been able to voice these concerns in the past.
    Especially not to him. It wasn't something she felt she should
    alarm him with until it became absolutely necessary. Besides, it
    would bring up old pain. Old pain for both of them. She knew
    that she would someday die and she wasn't afraid, but she
    couldn't bear to think of Yue suffering like that again. Not if
    there was anything she could do to help him. Watching him grow
    slowly weaker once had nearly torn her apart. But would she find
    the answer in time?
    She sighed. And she'd been so sure that it was going to be
    a *good* day.
    ***
    Keroberus was the first to approach his master again, their
    relationship being more openly supportive than the one she shared
    with Yue. He scratched quietly at her door frame until she asked
    him to come in.
    The last hour had been an uncomfortable one for him, and he
    suspected it had been the same for Yue. Long ago the pattern had
    been laid out by Clow. A guardian was responsible for his
    master. To fulfill his duties, he needed to be closely connected
    to that master with bonds both magical and emotional. This
    served as a warning system which made it very obvious to the
    guardians when the master they loved was alarmed, hurt, or
    unconscious. It had been a very practical system back in the
    days when her abilities had been challenged regularly by other
    magicians or by strange spiritual forces of various natures.
    For the last century or so, however, the main effect of this
    bond had been that as her power had grown stronger and stronger,
    Keroberus and Yue had become more and more aware of her every
    sensibility. She seemed mostly unaware of this fact, and neither
    guardian was anxious to reveal it to her, but there were rare
    days when depression hung in the air like a stifling mist.
    When Sakura was unhappy, they were all unhappy.
    Sakura was unhappy.
    As he often did when he knew that she was weary or
    distressed, he came close and pushed his great head into her lap,
    closed his eyes, and began to purr loudly. He sensed her smile
    and the lightening of her mood. It was unlike her to brood for
    long. Something was troubling her deeply, though, and after her
    outburst this morning, he suspected that he knew what it was.
    "No one lives forever, Sakura-chan."
    She stroked his ear gently. "I know that. I feel it
    creeping up on me sometimes. Sometimes it feels like a friend.
    An end to all this loss and loneliness. A chance to be with
    Tomoyo and my family again. She sighed and laid her hand on the
    crown of his head. "And other times, it feels like a harsh
    taskmaster that will see the work of my incredibly long lifetime
    and say 'That's nice, dear, but it's not enough, is it? I'm
    afraid you've run out of time, and so has...'"
    Her eyes closed and the hand on his head grew heavy. As her
    silence stretched on, he became more certain than ever that he
    knew the cause of her concern. Nearly two hundred years ago he
    had seen her helpless before the approaching fading away as final
    as death disappearance of someone very dear to her. She had
    agonized for weeks over what to do to help him, but at ten years
    old, she was still years away from her full magical strength and
    in the end, a temporary solution had been found elsewhere, but at
    great cost to all concerned. He felt a pang of sympathy as he
    realized how many times she must have relived that pain to have
    reached this current state of desperation and depression. _Oh,
    Sakura,_ he thought gently. _Don't take every hurt on your own
    shoulders,_ but in the end all he could say was "I'm sure the
    answer will come to you. Give it time."
    She looked at him then with eyes that reflected a weariness
    beyond anything he'd ever have believed *his* Sakura capable of
    feeling. "I hope so, Kero-chan. I hope you're right, because I
    can't bear to fail this time. I can't stand to think about what
    might happen this time."
    ***
    Yue sulked lost in a squall of emotion that ebbed and flowed
    and battered at his soul. Sometimes his master's innocent nature
    was endearing, but other times it was just so ... childish. He'd
    never been afraid to disagree with his *first* master! Never had
    to worry about the great Clow Reed bursting into tears at the
    first sign of disapproval from one of his supposed advisors. It
    was bad enough that she was studying *their* magic. Did she have
    to be so very sensitive about it too? What could possibly be so
    important in those blasted old volumes anyway? Important enough
    to warrant her hysterics? And worst of all, why had he let her
    reactions affect him so? Reduced to feeling guilty for
    expressing an opinion by the unhappiness in her big bright eyes!
    And she *had* been unhappy.
    And he *did* feel guilty about it. He felt shame whenever
    he hurt Sakura, because Sakura had a pure and beautiful soul.
    One that had been strong enough to keep her character
    consistently innocent even after centuries of a life filled with
    challenges and loss.
    So much like his beloved first master.
    He sighed. Perhaps he ought to speak to her; try to keep
    his feelings about her current path separate for now while he
    made sure that she was alright and aware of his continued
    support.
    And that she wasn't unhappy. He'd rather die than make her
    unhappy.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Well, esteemed colleagues? What did you think?
    I suppose now would be an appropriate time to say that I'm not
    done torturing Yue yet. Not by a long shot. Or would that spoil
    the surprise?
    Thankses go out to my cool pre-readers Rachael Whitman, Krista Perry,
    and Donny Cheng. Chapters should be coming out very regularly. A
    couple of times a week, probably.
    'till then!
    -Michelle Thatcher
    http://www.akane.org/michelle
    


	2. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    This story contains SPOILERS for the entire manga series as well
    as shonen ai (homosexual themes) and VAST quantities of what my
    onee-sama calls 'WAFF' and I call 'Undiluted sap.' You have been
    warned.
    This is a sequel to my first Sakura story 'Persephone's Dilemma.'
    Unlike 'Persephone's Dilemma,' Ad Finem is primarily a romance.
    Some magical theory is discussed, but it isn't the main point of
    this story.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    Did I forget anything? Oh, yeah. If you read this, I'd love to hear
    what you thought. I'm always searching for ways to improve my writing,
    so I appreciate negative comments as much as positive ones as long as
    they are polite and constructive. If you just want to say whether you
    liked it, though, that is greatly appreciated also.
    Enjoy!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    ===========
    Chapter Two
    ===========
    If it were just a matter of lighting the stupid candle, she
    would have given up hours ago. Yue was right that the spells she
    was currently obsessed with were ridiculously attention demanding
    and silly. When they were ten years old, she'd seen Syaoran
    light her brother's sleeve on fire with much better aim and from
    quite a distance with negligeable effort. A single ward had been
    the only tool he'd needed, and they'd both outgrown those by
    junior high. Yet here she stayed day after day searching for the
    answers that would keep her lifetime's work from fading after she
    died. Any sensible magician apparently wouldn't have bothered.
    She hadn't had any success at *all* with the light spell,
    and the fire spell wasn't coming any easier. She knew there was
    a way to channel her magic into the symbols and runes on the
    floor, but she couldn't seem to flip the mental switch. Magical
    energy she had plenty of, but in this foreign system, that didn't
    help her if she couldn't figure out how to tap into it.
    Rubbing her eyes, she sat back. Perhaps if she'd begun her
    education with "simple" works like this one, she wouldn't be
    giving herself headaches trying to reconcile them to the
    intuitive system that she'd developed so that she and her friends
    would live through the forth grade. This was going to take a
    little longer than she'd originally thought.
    It wasn't that her system or Clow's weren't good enough.
    There were so few things she'd ever had a desire to do magically
    that she hadn't been able to accomplish. It was true that she
    would give much to know how to solve this current problem, and
    that by nature, her innovations separate her from whatever other
    magical communities may exist to consult about Yue, but she
    wouldn't trade her two guardians and the ability to fix nearly
    any problem with a minimum of fuss for all the respect or acclaim
    of colleagues ever shared by the greatest circle drawers on
    earth.
    Sakura couldn't possibly have cared less whether any portion
    of humanity ever knew her name or a single detail of her life
    after she was gone, but she would not leave her work unfinished.
    She would not allow any heir who would inherit Clow's legacy --
    and heirs there must be -- to go through the trials and tragedies
    that had marred her own young life.
    In so many ways she suspected that Clow had left his work
    long before he had planned to. There were so many problems that
    had remained unsolved until she herself, knowing or otherwise,
    had taken responsibility for them. Resolved them. And in that
    one awful, painful case, failed to resolve them.
    She wouldn't burden another with them. Not if it meant
    fighting to live another two or three thousand years. The very
    thought made her weary to the core, but she'd do it. She'd find
    the power and the technique somewhere.
    "Yue," she said. "I won't let anything happen to you. I
    won't!"
    But discouragement was setting in. Too many years. Too
    many problems. She was trying to be brave, to be optimistic, but
    this latest dead end weighed upon her heavily. It was time to
    take a break, get some fresh air, and try to regain her
    perspective.
    ***
    Now that he thought about it, Keroberus wondered why it
    hadn't occurred to him that Sakura-chan wouldn't be with them
    forever. He supposed that he'd known it on some level, but had
    imagined also that she was too strong to fade. Too full of life
    to long for the peace of death.
    But then, he had never expected Clow to leave them either.
    _Oh, master,_ he thought with great regret. _How could I have
    been so foolish?_
    Unusually subdued, he had looked for solitude and had found
    a warm fireplace to curl up in front of while he considered how
    to help her. It was strange to ask himself that question. After
    all, it had been centuries since those days when she'd needed him
    as anything other than a friend. Ages and ages since he'd felt
    like much of a teacher or advisor or especially protector. It
    seemed now that she was determined to hide the extent of her
    frustration. Indeed, the very fact that she was attempting to
    find a solution to the reflected light problem was a revelation.
    Why hadn't she confided? At least in him? Why had she continued
    to suffer alone?
    He suspected that part of the reason may have been her
    continued feelings of guilt over her early days as Yue's master.
    No matter what they kept telling her, she *did* blame herself for
    not being strong enough to support him while she struggled with
    the constant challenges she'd faced for those months. She had
    been barely eleven years old at the time, and had been forced to
    remake every one of Clow's original cards just to keep herself
    and her friends safe, but the drain on her power had put Yue in
    danger; had caused him to become dangerously weakened. As she'd
    watched and worried and hoped for a miracle, she'd repeated to
    herself over and over again those words that had torn his heart
    out at the time "It's because I'm not strong enough," or "It's my
    fault."
    Had Sakura continued to tell herself over and over again for
    the last two centuries that it had been her fault? Did she
    relive those days in her quiet moments? Her dreams? Did she
    also believe that she was the cause of every long term
    consequence of those days?
    He should have taken her concerns seriously back then;
    should have talked to her and sympathized with her and done more
    to help her see that as a young child and a new magician decades
    removed from her full magical power, of course she shouldn't have
    been expected to solve every problem through pure magical
    strength. Instead he had chosen to downplay it; to pretend
    that he knew that everything would work out just fine.
    And it hadn't.
    None of them ever spoke of it now -- Sakura and Yue because
    it still hurt so much to think of the one they had lost,
    Keroberus because he hoped to let them work through it in their
    own way.
    Apparently, however, Sakura's way was to continue to blame
    herself while secretly spending decades searching for a permanent
    solution to a potentially perennial problem. As she'd said,
    where Clow had failed, she was determined to succeed. Or die
    trying. Yue, in the mean time, would go right on questioning her
    motives, her methods, and her loyalty, because she'd never be
    able to explain to him *why* it needed to be done.
    He hoped for a moment that they *would* discuss it. That he
    had underestimated both of them. Time would tell. The next few
    weeks or the next few centuries. He would continue to watch.
    Perhaps this time through, he would make a better decision about
    the best time to intervene.
    _Yue,_ he pleaded. _Go easy on her. She's doing this for
    you._
    He dared not hope, however, that Yue would do any such
    thing. Deep in his heart, Keroberus knew that Yue loved Sakura
    very much, but Yue had his own problems. More and more in the
    last few decades, Yue had become moody, defensive, judgmental and
    testy. It was a great concern to him. They had both been so
    content in the beginning. Content to serve Clow. Content to
    learn the lessons he presented to them, to protect him, and to
    assist him in his works. Yue had valued his solitude even then,
    but he had been happy in that life.
    Clow's abandonment had hurt Yue profoundly. There had been
    times after his awakening that he'd been uncertain that Yue would
    ever heal emotionally. Sakura had been very good for him. A
    wonderful new master. And he had fallen in love. Yue's smile had
    come back. He'd fogiven Clow for all wrongs, real or imagined,
    and settled happily into his new life with Sakura and her 'nii-
    chan. It had seemed that all would be well with Yue after all.
    When the 'nii-chan had died, Keroberus had worried about Yue
    again, but he'd seemed to handle it well. His grief was evident,
    his mourning real, and then they'd all gotten on with their
    lives. The Yukito persona had disappeared, but that wasn't so
    unusual. Keroberus himself only used his smaller form back then
    for times when stealth was required, and since they'd left Tokyo
    he'd never used it at all. Not for decades. So he'd stopped
    worrying about the moon guardian, and gone back to enjoying the
    peaceful life that Sakura had built for them.
    Things had been mostly quiet for a long time. No matter
    what his favorite manga titles illustrated, just having great
    power does not mean that dramatic and earth shattering events
    will be attracted to you so that you'll have a chance to use it.
    Aside from a few isolated incidents, their existence was a quiet
    one of research, gardening, and planning for the future. It was
    a good life.
    Why, then had he had the disturbing premonition lately that
    something was very wrong with Yue?
    Sakura's presence was often enough to settle Yue's
    increasingly restless moods. His regard and caring for his
    master were evident. This morning, however, the strange currents
    had come to the surface. They were coming to the surface more
    and more in the last few years. It hadn't, however, happened over
    such a trivial matter before. That was a very bad symptom. One
    that hinted at a very unharmonious future.
    He'd been amazed for years that Sakura and Yue got along as
    well as they did. Never in all his existence had he known two
    individuals with such diametrically opposite personalities. But
    then, Sakura *was* something special. Even cold, unemotional Yue
    obviously recognized that. They'd both seen her win over all
    sorts of humans. She had a way of inspiring love and trust in
    everyone she encountered, and over the years, he'd seen Yue's
    grudging respect of that talent grow.
    But had the Moon Guardian's own heart remained untouched?
    Doubtful.
    Why, then, had he continued to question her? Wasn't it
    enough that she had a curiosity about the methods of other
    magicians? Why turn it into some great betrayal of a man she'd
    never even met? Didn't she have a right to pursue any magical
    path her intuition drew her to? Wasn't that, in fact, what Clow
    Reed himself had always done?
    Keroberus decided that it was time to have a serious
    discussion with his counterpart. Sakura wouldn't thank him for
    interfering on her part. Especially if he happened to let slip
    what he knew about her motives. He felt compelled to spare
    Sakura whatever pain he could, though. Especially in this
    frustrating time. Just as soon as he could leave this comfy
    fire.
    ***
    When Yue found his master, she was wrapped warmly and
    standing in the gardens. The vacant stare wasn't exactly
    encouraging. He touched her shoulder gently until her eyes
    focused on his. "Are you alright, master?" he asked.
    "Yue," she breathed, still off in the distance mentally.
    He frowned. "I had hoped that the two of us could talk."
    "Yue, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough. I'm
    sorry that I keep disappointing you. I-"
    Yue pulled her closer taking hold of both of her shoulders
    firmly. He didn't know whether to be alarmed or merely irritated
    by this ongoing and uncharacteristic insecurity. She was
    obviously upset, but...
    "Sakura, I wish you would tell me what it is that's
    troubling you. Why all the mystery?"
    It was at that moment that her expression became totally
    clear. She was completely focused on him as if sudden Buddha-
    like wisdom had come down upon her. "Yue." she whispered,
    enraptured, and then a beautiful smile lit her face. The smile
    he had been so afraid he'd banished. He smiled in return, much
    relieved. Perhaps now they could-
    "Say it again!" she said cheerfully.
    He blinked. "I ... wish you'd tell me-"
    "Not that!" she corrected. "You called me..."
    Again he blinked as he mentally backtracked. Which form of
    address had he- ? _Oh dear._
    But she was looking at him with those eyes again.
    Expectantly. Hopefully. Her smile was growing a little more
    persuasive with every passing moment, and he couldn't refuse her.
    "Sakura," he whispered, then closed his eyes feeling an
    unaccustomed shame. Part of it was his desire to keep offering
    her the appropriate respect her position demanded, but there was
    something more. Something that loosened inside him. Something
    that he'd kept wrapped up tight since...
    She closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly,
    the joy in her heart singing in his veins. She'd hugged him
    before. It had always made him a little uncomfortable, but now
    it was almost painful. He wanted so much to protect her; to
    comfort her, but if he let himself become too familiar with her
    ...
    _What should I do, To-ya?_ he asked silently. _I can't
    replace you. Can't draw her out like you would if you were here.
    I don't know what role to play in her life. I just want to help,
    but I don't know how._
    Perhaps it was a bad habit, invoking the memory of his dead
    lover as a way of searching for guidance, but thinking of To-ya
    often calmed him. At this moment the effect was immediate. He
    felt instantly better, like he'd been over reacting all along.
    Of course Sakura-sama wanted a familiar relationship. Of course
    she'd be more content with a casual form of address and a hug
    once in a while to show joy and affection. And how long had it
    been since anyone had hugged her in return? Keroberus certainly
    would have if he'd had the arms to do so, but it had probably
    been years since she'd been held the way she'd been used to
    before her father's death.
    He may have found this sudden lack of reserve in himself
    disturbing, but when he lowered his arms and placed them gently
    around her, her response was immediate and heart warming. He
    bent over her slightly. "Sakura," he said, the words seeming to
    come from a hidden place deep within himself. "There is a way.
    There is always a way. You mustn't be discouraged."
    "Hoooo-ee?" she said, slightly puzzled, noticing that
    something felt different.
    And something did feel different. Familiar and dear and
    quietly powerful. With a pang, Yue recognized a magical
    signature that neither of them had expected to feel again. And
    the words continued. "The answer is simple, but you have to
    trust yourself. You can't be afraid to try. You'll have all the
    help you need, all the guidance. Be patient. Have faith."
    And that was all. They stood holding each other, Yue dazed,
    Sakura confused; relieved; comforted. When he finally disengaged
    himself, she smiled at him, obviously not feeling even a moment
    of doubt that what he had said would prove completely true.
    "Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry that I've been such a
    wreck today."
    "No, I ..." His hands came away from her and he took a step
    back. "I mean, I ..." His wings fluttered a little and he
    looked down. "I'm sorry I was critical. I should trust you
    more. I shouldn't question your motives or your judgement." He
    looked at her one last time in wonderment. The miracles that
    still happened merely by the virtue of her presence never stopped
    amazing him. He felt a pang of loss as the beloved presence
    faded. His eyes closed and he shook his head. "Would you excuse
    me?"
    He quickly turned and left without waiting for her to
    respond.
    ***
    Sakura's brother had been a medium. Some of her earliest
    memories were of walking through the neighborhood with her tiny
    hand in his and wondering what it was that he kept tracking with
    his eyes.
    On one such night, she'd asked him what he was looking at.
    At first he'd refused to tell her. After walking in silence for
    a while, however, he'd pointed to something off to his left.
    "There's a woman there," he'd said. "She has no feet."
    Back then every Japanese child knew what that meant. Sakura
    had shivered despite the August evening heat. "A - a ghost?"
    He'd nodded. "She's following us."
    They'd walked further. "Onii-chan?"
    "What?"
    "Is ... is she still following us?"
    "Yes."
    She'd begun walking a little closer by now, squeezing his
    hand a little more tightly for another half a block.
    "Onii-chan?"
    "What now?" At the best of times, he was a bit gruff with
    her. Now he seemed truly annoyed.
    "Why is she following us?"
    He was silent for a moment. When he did answer, there was a
    tone in his voice that she had later learned meant that he was
    actively trying to upset her. "You look just like her daughter,"
    he'd said. "She wants to find out where we live so that she can
    come sit next to your bed and watch you sleep."
    "Hoooo-EEE!" she'd cried in terror as she'd grabbed his leg
    tightly and insisted that he make her go away.
    For years afterward he'd often teased her by developing her
    phobia of spirits. It had taken her decades to stop being
    frightened by the mere mention of ghosts. It had been quite an
    impairment to her early magical training. Over the years,
    though, she'd learned how to tell when he was truly seeing
    something beyond her own vision. Even years after his death, she
    was still continuing to find out exactly how piercing his vision
    really had been.
    His discernment had always been much better than her own.
    He had known even before she did that his friend Yukito was not
    human, was growing weaker, and was in danger of fading away.
    An incredible power had been at the foundation of his
    character. It was rivaled only by his compassion for those he
    cared about. He was reluctant to express it, but Sakura had
    always known that he loved her. Had always known herself to be
    watched over and protected by him. She hadn't always liked it,
    but, he hadn't always been gentle about it either.
    And between the two of them and their father, Touya had also
    probably been the one with the strongest magical talent.
    Sakura wished that she had even the smallest portion of
    ability as a medium. There were times when she was sure that the
    spirits of the dead were all around her, but much good that did
    her if she couldn't tell what they wanted or even who they were.
    Ironically, she strongly suspected that it had been her
    brother's spirit that had affected Yue so; her brother's concern
    that had sent her that message. She'd understood it clearly.
    "You *can* save Yue. I'll do everything I can to help you, and
    so will your annoying brat of a husband, so stop whining and get
    to work already. What happened to me doesn't have to happen to
    anyone else," had been the gist of it.
    Yue would be fine. She didn't know how, but Yue would be
    fine. For the first time in years, Sakura began to feel a little
    confidence that her greatest fear could be overcome.
    And perhaps her doubts had been what had kept her from
    knowing the answer all along. After all, it was a bit
    intimidating, knowing that your one hope in life was to succeed
    in the only task your great predecessor had failed in.
    Despite his outrage at her ambition, her concern and caring
    for Yue were real. A little too real on days like this one,
    perhaps. She did feel a lot better now, though, and perhaps that
    meant that now the knowledge she lacked would be free to come to
    her in quiet moments in the days to come. She hoped so.
    She wondered for a moment how much of the strange message
    Yue had understood. He too had obviously recognized Touya-onii-
    chan's presence and had reacted in a very emotional way. She
    felt a sympathetic pang knowing what it was like to have a memory
    like that come back all in a rush. And Yue and Sakura both still
    felt guilty for the loss of Kinomoto Touya's power and his
    eventual illness and death.
    She'd let Yue have his privacy. When the memories crowded
    around her too strong to ignore, it was always Yue who understood
    and saw to it that she was not disturbed by *either* of her
    guardians; always Yue that showed his love and support in the
    quiet and comfortable ways that helped her feel better even more
    quickly than all Keroberus' purring and pouncing and general
    cheerfulness.
    But Yue's was a gentler soul. It was that same gentleness
    that had always drawn her to him ... or rather, to his soul.
    Ever since her second year in grade school, in fact.
    She could laugh at herself now. Out maneuvered in love by
    her own brother.
    But they had been so happy together.
    She smiled a little at the memory of Yukito-san's
    embarrassed confession to her. "There's someone else," he'd said
    when she'd finally told him of her budding young love. "Someone
    I have strong feelings for."
    So she had stepped aside. It had hurt more than anything
    else to that point in her life, but she loved them both so much.
    It had been so obvious whenever she saw them together after that.
    She hadn't even really needed to ask, "It's my brother, isn't
    it?" but his blush, his stammer; his gentle and quiet affirmative
    had all helped her to feel the loss less acutely. To feel truly
    glad for the beloved rival she hadn't even known she had.
    And of course, then there had been Syaoran.
    Oh, how she had loved her Syaoran. How she missed him and
    wished he were still beside her. While Yukito-san had been her
    first crush, Li Syaoran had been her first ... well ...
    everything else. So she had, with his help, gotten over that
    first crush, and been truly content with her life and their love.
    Was still truly content with it, really.
    But lately ...
    It had felt so good when Yue had ...
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Well? What did you think, esteemed colleagues?
    Next time, Kero-chan and Yue have a heart to heart (sort of), how
    *not* to get your way, a visit from an old friend, oh, and lots and
    lots of angst.
    Ja ne!
    


	3. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    This story contains SPOILERS for the entire manga series as well
    as shonen ai (homosexual themes) and VAST quantities of what my
    onee-sama calls 'WAFF' and I call 'Undiluted sap.' In fact,
    things are about to get REALLY REALLY MUSHY. You have been
    warned.
    This is a sequel to my first Sakura story 'Persephone's Dilemma.'
    Unlike 'Persephone's Dilemma,' Ad Finem is primarily a romance.
    Some magical theory is discussed, but it isn't the main point of
    this story.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    Did I forget anything? Oh, yeah. If you read this, I'd love to
    hear what you thought. I'm always searching for ways to improve
    my writing, so I appreciate negative comments as much as positive
    ones as long as they are polite and constructive. If you just
    want to say whether you liked it, though, that is greatly
    appreciated also.
    Enjoy!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    ===========
    Chapter Three
    ===========
    "What is it you want, beloved?" Yue asked his memories, and
    the reservoir of familiar power that rested within him. No
    answer came, this time. Nothing but the usual sense of peace.
    Of being watched over and soothed. Was that of itself a sign?
    If so, what did it mean, exactly?
    All in all, it was a frustrating relationship to be in.
    Touya had never been this cryptic when he was alive.
    Obviously it had been important for Sakura-sama to hear the
    message, and obviously it was not important that *he* understand
    it. It hurt, though, to be left out like this; to be the channel
    between the two siblings, but not to understand the thoughts of
    his beloved. It ached. And for the first time in two-hundred
    years, Yue closed his mind to the flow of peace and comfort
    coming from the part of him that had once been part of Kinomoto
    Touya, and let his mood blacken a little further. Keroberus
    caught the brunt of it when he came seeking his companion moments
    later.
    "Did she send you?" Yue asked tersely. "Are you here to
    check up on me?"
    "No, and yes." he admitted, his ears twitching a little in
    annoyance. "I'd hoped that you'd be feeling better."
    "I'm fine," Yue insisted. "Sakura-sama is fine. Great
    spiritual forces are gathering together for her aid and support
    in some wonderfully impossible cause. Birds and flowers
    everywhere are chirping and blooming and cavorting. Everything
    is *just* wonderful."
    Keroberus blinked. "Isn't that what's important?"
    Yue averted his gaze. "Yes," he admitted. "Our master is
    happy, her confidence has returned, therefore all is peace and
    happiness among us once more."
    "Obviously."
    "I just never know," continued the Moon Guardian, "what she
    even needs me for at all. To help her grow through opposition?
    To make sure her suits are pressed? To give her messages from
    the other side?"
    "What?"
    Yue looked again at the great lion beast. It really wasn't
    something that he wanted to discuss at the moment. "What can I
    do for her?" he asked. "She doesn't need me. *You're* her
    trusted advisor, her friend, the one she talks to and cries to.
    I'm the one who argues with her and tells her she's not good
    enough. She hasn't needed our protection for so long. She
    doesn't consult us on her magical workings. Perhaps it would be
    better for all of us if I weren't here."
    Slightly alarmed, Keroberus protested. "Don't speak
    nonsense. Where would you go? You made an oath to Sakura. It
    would crush her if you left."
    Yue nodded. "I know. She'd cry." That thought alone was
    enough to squash any half formed rebellious thoughts he might
    have entertained.
    "Yes she would."
    He made a helpless gesture with his hands. "And my whole
    life will be spent in her service," he whispered. "Even after
    she is gone. But I still feel like any efforts I make only hurt
    her and get in her way. Her work is important. I should never
    have doubted that. I just wish that my role in it were a little
    more defined. Sakura-sama rarely sees fit to instruct either of
    us in any way, and so I spend my life either tiptoing around her
    feelings, or sending her into fits of tears for questioning her
    reasons. I know she doesn't want to be anything other than a
    friend, but when I try to speak for myself..."
    When he tried to speak for himself, he was critical, and if
    he was honest with himself, sometimes cruel. What he had said to
    her this morning about wanting to be greater than Clow Reed, for
    example ...
    Perhaps that was why To-ya had ...
    But he'd gone to find her so that he could try to make
    things right. Wasn't he to be trusted to say the right thing
    when he'd specifically gone to make peace? Didn't he have at
    least that much sensitivity in him? He'd had it once. Hadn't
    he?
    But that had been in another lifetime.
    "So what am I to do? Am I to hover around the edges of her
    life when what I want more than anything is to ..." Is to what?
    A flash of memory. Of holding her in his arms for those moments
    before the message he'd delivered. An impression of warmth. A
    sense that this was the only way to deal with this perfect and
    beautiful person that so ached for comfort and affection from
    anyone. The truth was that it had felt very nice. He was
    beginning to wonder whether in that moment, seeing her
    vulnerable; confused; alone, he had taken her into that embrace
    of his own free will, or if he had been taken by whatever
    compulsion had then caused him to say those things to her.
    Touya's compulsion.
    But then, had he ever known Touya to embrace his younger
    sister? To embrace anyone, for that matter? Only himself. Yue.
    Yuki. And only in moments of absolute privacy. No. He had
    embraced Sakura-sama on his own. And it *had* felt good.
    Comforting her was still so improtant to him. But he had always
    done so in a more ... decorous way until today.
    It had been a long time since the gentle and caring part of
    himself had been dominant.
    But it was easier in the other form.
    The form he hadn't worn since ...
    In the end, he'd only ever taken that form for To-ya. And
    with the form went the persona. And after To-ya was gone...
    The reminder was a painful one. He knew that the emotions
    lived within him. It had been ages since he'd been able to feel
    like the extra older brother he'd been as her 'Yukito-san,' but
    today ...
    Perhaps even as Yue, he could ...
    It wouldn't be easy, but if it helped Sakura-sama ...
    He supposed it could only help if he were a little warmer
    towards her. More personable. If he joined in with the great
    cultural diffusion movement towards showing affection in more
    physical and vocal ways, perhaps she would continue to respond
    well, but the thought scared him a little.
    Emotion was a funny thing. He'd observed humanity for
    centuries and had been mesmerized by their seeming irrationality
    time after time before his first master's death. It was only
    then; only as the unaware quasi-self Yukito that he had gained
    any firsthand experience with the raw power of emotions. He
    supposed he'd always had them, but never to a human degree.
    Never to a point where one emotion fueled another in an upward
    spiral that overwhelmed the senses, the mind, or the body. As
    Yukito, however, he'd learned. He'd observed that his mild and
    kindly other self when faced with a friend in torment would often
    behave in a startlingly irrational way.
    At the time it had seemed ... had *felt* like the only
    *correct* course of action. Indeed, it was impossible to assert
    the control of logic when emotion was strong.
    Most frightening of all, however, was the way that one
    emotion always led unpredictably to some even stronger one. You
    never knew whether the emotion of being hurt would lead you to
    feel sorrow or if it would become anger; if love would become
    passion, or hatred. Of all beings in the world, Yue had the
    least faith in his own ability to cope with any emotions he might
    cultivate.
    Oh, he'd been so smug and self assured once. He'd believed
    that it was his superior control and intellect that would keep
    him separate from those humans who went through their lives
    confused and wanting. Even as he'd watched Yukito's life, he'd
    believed that when he became his real self again, he'd quickly
    eliminate the irrationality that was a part of his disguise.
    Once the girl's trial was over, he wouldn't need to hide anymore.
    Through discipline, his mind would be purged of all that
    foolishness.
    And then there had been Touya.
    Like a force of nature, that boy. Suddenly Yue had found
    the unfamiliar sensations of admiration, affection, and finally
    desire growing little by little not in the Yukito mind, but in
    his own core. In Yue.
    That was what had changed his entire life.
    And that was what was shaking his confidence now. Could
    compassion and brotherly affection be maintained at a reasonable
    level if he were trying to be more demonstrative? Or would it be
    like the last time? Like opening the floodgates to an
    unpredictable and ever-changing sea that could start with
    supportiveness and progress through depression, envy, torment, or
    worse? You just never knew where something like this could lead
    you.
    It might even lead to...
    Perhaps he should re-think this. After all, there had been
    no magical crisis for nearly a hundred years, but that didn't
    mean that one would never come. Perhaps he shouldn't start down
    a path that could so easily make him mentally incapable of
    rationally dealing with any situations that might arise.
    Detachment would, perhaps, be best. It had served him so
    well in the past.
    And she was so much like her brother...
    She was coming.
    "Kero-chan!" Sakura called joyfully as she skipped into the
    room. "I wanted to-"
    Her eyes met Yue's suddenly, and she stopped mid sentence
    and mid stride. She was clearly startled, but not, Yue was
    grateful to note, unhappy to find him with her sun guardian. She
    walked to him and looked up with concern. "How are you, Yue?"
    she asked gently.
    Yue smiled a little. She wasn't nervous or morbidly
    curious. Just mildly concerned. For a moment he almost let
    himself touch her. Almost. But that was her power over him, and
    the very reason he needed to be cautious in how he let himself
    respond to her. "I'm fine, Sakura-sama," he said as firmly as he
    was able. "Please don't concern yourself."
    A minor shadow crossed her face, and Yue suspected that it
    was because of his use of the subservient honorific. Perhaps
    she'd hoped that he'd call her Sakura again. Perhaps she'd also
    feared that he'd only addressed her in such a casual way as a
    precursor to the message he'd delivered.
    He hated to see that disappointment in her eyes, but was
    unprepared to start down the path of greater familiarity with
    her. Let her believe whatever she liked. He could only try his
    best to shield her from greater regrets.
    But it almost hurt to watch her struggle to smile before
    making her reply. "I'm glad," she said. "I know that it's hard
    sometimes."
    And she did know. She'd lived with loss since her mother's
    death, and so her empathy was real and deep. It warmed him to
    know how much she understood his heart. If only ...
    What?
    _If only she weren't my master?_
    She'd never have let that stand between them. Even now her
    expression, posture, and intonation all spoke of discourse with
    one who was in every way considered an equal. A respected and
    beloved friend.
    _If only she weren't To-ya's sister?_
    But To-ya had known, hadn't he, how much his imouto had
    adored Yukito. To-ya had made it clear before he had left that
    he expected Sakura and Yue to look after one another, to support
    and protect one another. Hadn't he said that he hoped Yue would
    be the one to comfort her through the trials he'd seemed to sense
    were coming?
    What else had To-ya sensed was coming?
    And why hadn't he warned Yue? Given him some sign that what
    he now contemplated with a mixture of agonized desire and
    puritanical horror was either not a good idea, or what he'd been
    planning for both of them all along?
    'Because you wouldn't have liked the answer,' whispered that
    part of him clear and strong through the barriers he'd thrown up
    around it. 'Because it means nothing if you don't figure it out
    on your own.'
    "Yue?"
    And it was so. There was much he needed to consider, but
    even a notarized statement from the afterlife would not have been
    enough to set him firmly on *that* path.
    Was he ready to leave himself so vulnerable again?
    "Yue? What's wrong?"
    He had never *really* lost To-ya. Not a day had passed
    since highschool and the infirmary that he hadn't had an intimate
    knowledge of his beloved's presence and feelings. His dormant
    power tied his spirit to Yue even now. It had been such a
    comfort to feel that presence and guidance. But despite all
    that, losing him to death, however marginal that death had been
    had nearly destroyed Yue. Loss was stacked on top of years of
    guilt and frustration and futility.
    If it happened again ...
    Just that morning she had told them that she knew she
    couldn't live forever.
    "Yue, please come sit down."
    Yue, on the other hand, was very likely to live forever...
    "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"
    Losing another master was going to be hard on him, but could
    he go on if he lost another true -
    "Yue!" The panic in his master's voice brought him back to
    himself. She was holding on to his arm tightly trying to regain
    his attention.
    He placed his hand gently over hers and did his best to gaze
    down upon her calmly. "I'm sorry, master," he said evenly. "Was
    there something else?"
    Sakura blinked. "N - no. You just seemed-"
    "Then perhaps you'd excuse me?" He gently pulled her hand
    away from his sleeve and backed away.
    This time as she looked up at him, he froze. Pushing her
    away like this had been a tactic. A play for time to contemplate
    this latest dilemma. But she'd looked so ... lost. Sad and
    worried. He couldn't ... How could he leave things like this?
    But how could he leave them any other way? Why couldn't he think
    straight? Why was he so agitated and distractable?
    He glanced for a moment at Keroberus who could only gape at
    him in wide eyed shock. That was no help. He looked back at
    Sakura. He had to do something about the pain in those eyes.
    "Forgive me," he said, doing his best to look contrite and
    avoiding the act of addressing her at all lest the casual/formal
    issue should rear it's ugly head once more. "Please, I'm still a
    little ..."
    Internally disgusted with himself, he had to fight hard not
    to take her by the shoulders again and reassure her the way
    Yukito would have when she was eleven. This was not helping any.
    _What now, oh wise spirit of Kinomoto Touya?_ Yue asked
    ironically. _You seem to have all the answers today._
    And something seized him. A great weakness. He lost
    altitude until his feet touched the ground. He tried to stand,
    but his legs wouldn't hold him. He buckled at the knees and
    slumped heavily to the floor.
    "Yue!"
    Sakura took hold of him once more, this time strongly and by
    both arms. She eased him down into a lying position and crouched
    over him gently probing his life force with her magic. He looked
    at her apologetically, but suddenly realized two things. The
    first was that any moment now he was going to lose consciousness.
    The second was that he was rapidly losing power. Something that
    hadn't happened to him since... And that meant that before he
    blanked out, he was most likely going to shift back to his more
    power efficient form of -
    "Yukito-san?" Sakura yelled in shock as Yue felt himself
    change. It was the last thing he was aware of before the
    blackness claimed him.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Okay, I know. This scene is a bit ... melodramatic.
    Anyway, let me know what you think. Next part should be out by
    Thursday.
    Next time: More dreams helpful and otherwise. Everybody worries.
    'Til then!
    -Michelle Thatcher
    http://www.akane.org/michelle
    


	4. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    This story contains SPOILERS for the entire manga series as well
    as shonen ai (homosexual themes) and VAST quantities of what my
    onee-sama calls 'WAFF' and I call 'Undiluted sap.' In fact,
    things are about to get REALLY REALLY MUSHY. You have been
    warned.
    This is a sequel to my first Sakura story 'Persephone's Dilemma.'
    Unlike 'Persephone's Dilemma,' Ad Finem is primarily a romance.
    Some magical theory is discussed, but it isn't the main point of
    this story.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    Did I forget anything? Oh, yeah. If you read this, I'd love to
    hear what you thought. I'm always searching for ways to improve
    my writing, so I appreciate negative comments as much as positive
    ones as long as they are polite and constructive. If you just
    want to say whether you liked it, though, that is greatly
    appreciated also.
    Enjoy!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    ============
    Chapter Four
    ============
    Sakura brought Yukito to one of the nearby guest rooms and
    laid him out on the bed."What happened to him?" she whispered.
    "I don't know, Sakura-chan. He just collapsed suddenly. He
    hasn't been complaining about any weakness lately, but since he
    went back to his weaker form, it looks as if he ran out of
    power." Keroberus shifted to sit on his strong hind legs and
    continued to watch over his fallen comrade. "But that doesn't
    make any sense. Even if you weren't stronger now than you've
    ever been, the power that your brother-" He looked up to gauge
    her reaction, but she just seemed to be waiting for him to
    continue. "That your brother gave him is still with him. By
    itself it should be more than enough to keep him going even if
    you weren't here."
    She squeezed the hand of the form on the bed. "Yue ..." she
    said, half concerned and half lost. It was her worst fear made
    manifest, especially since it had never occurred to her that
    problems might arise even during her lifetime. What if -?
    She shook herself free. This was still what she'd been
    preparing for, wasn't it? Yue was in trouble and she was going
    to help him. She closed her eyes and began to focus her power.
    "I'm going to find out what's wrong," she announced. "We are not
    to be disturbed."
    "Yes, master," Keroberus intoned formally, but before
    leaving he rubbed his cheek against hers and purred briefly.
    This was his Sakura-chan and if anyone could fix this, she could.
    And even with her eyes closed, with her power extended like this
    she could feel him leave. He had faith in her and she *would*
    bring his companion back. She wouldn't let either of them down.
    She couldn't.
    And she began to examine his magical field.
    Strange. It felt normal enough. Strong, even. Every part
    of him seemed saturated with the gentle moon energy that he
    wielded so effectively. His power flowed freely around him and
    warmed her consciousness as her mind floated amid the swirling
    white sea. She turned her attention to the anomalous and
    benevolent bubble that was not native to Yue. The Onii-chan
    bubble. It looked just like it always had. Pastel and
    iridescent floating around with the other powers. As she drew
    closer expecting the usual emotions to come towards her, to her
    surprise, it retreated.
    That had never happened before.
    She located it once more. Keeping her mind more firmly
    fixed on it, she began trying to see -
    It was practically squirming. It was the strangest feeling
    she'd ever had. Almost like it was deliberately resisting her
    probing. But how -?
    Or rather, why?
    'Please, Onii-chan?' she asked respectfully. 'I only want
    to help.'
    It slipped away from her completely and retreated once more.
    'Come back here!' she insisted beginning to lose patience.
    She cornered it and held it with a greater exertion of will. As
    she approached it to examine it acutely, for the first time it
    did not evade or retreat in the face of her attention. _Finally._
    She thought in relief. She regarded it carefully only to find
    her mental self forcefully repelled. She took a moment to
    recover from the psychic whiplash then turned once more to the
    source of her latest frustration. 'Why, onii-chan?' she thought
    sullenly. 'He's my responsibility. I'm worried.'
    The only answer was a vague image which made itself manifest
    in her emotion filled brain. A large wooden sign that said:
    "Keep Out. Kaijuu not allowed."
    'Moou!' she protested, but that pretty much cinched it. He
    was behind this. He had a plan and she and Yue would both just
    have to wait and see what happened. She knew that she could
    force her way in, but unless he gave her some reason to be
    suspicious, she just had to trust her brother. He'd never let
    her down before. Not ever.
    But it still hurt.
    Slowly, she ended her examination and opened her eyes. The
    pale form of Yukito still lay unconscious on the bed before her,
    his hand still held tightly by hers. She bowed her head over it
    and wept.
    ***
    Sakura was finally sleeping. Keroberus had dragged her to
    bed, and taking the covers in his mouth, had pulled them up
    around her. "There's nothing more to be done right now," he had
    said. "You need to rest. Do you want to look like you've been
    up all night if he wakes in the morning? He'll worry."
    "But Kero-chan-!"
    "Relax, Sakura-chan." He gave the covers a final tug.
    "I'll watch over your snow bunny. You just get some sleep."
    So in the center of a quiet house, Keroberus lay curled up
    beside the bed which still held the motionless form of Tsukishiro
    Yukito. "What's going on, Yue?" he asked the silence. "What's
    wrong?"
    From what Sakura had told him, everything seemed to be in
    order in Yue/Yukito's magical field. "Why now? She's been so
    worried about you. Couldn't this have waited?"
    No answer came. Not for many hours. As the night stretched
    on, his attention sometimes faltered. His mind would dwell on
    the present crisis as well as his memories of the past. His eyes
    wandered to the window and he was surprised to learn that the
    moon was full. He thought of all the nights he'd spent gazing
    out of Sakura's bedroom window at her father's old house in
    Tokyo. The full moon had been a real concern to him then. A
    crisis on the horizon. The approaching day of judgement.
    Was it significant that the moon was full now?
    After all, this should have been the time when Yue's powers
    were at their strongest. The more he thought about this
    situation, the less sense it made.
    "Please wake up." he said to the pale boy. "Sakura-chan is
    worried."
    And Yukito's eyes opened.
    ***
    "Sakura-chan is worried." said To-ya in the dream he seemed
    to be having. "You should wake up now."
    Was he asleep, then?
    He hadn't slept in so many years.
    He opened his eyes.
    Keroberus was leaning over him looking worried. "Yue?" he
    asked. "Are you alright?"
    "I'm fine, thank you," said Yukito with a gentle smile.
    "Where is Sakura-chan?"
    For a moment he thought that Sakura's pet lion looked a
    little startled, but he gathered his composure to reply. "She's
    sleeping," he said. "I sent her to bed after she was sure you
    weren't in any immediate danger. I don't suppose you can tell me
    what's going on?"
    Yukito frowned ever so slightly. "What do you mean?"
    The beast snorted. "I mean that you passed out. You've
    been lying there unconscious for hours. We've been worried sick
    about you."
    He thought about that. The truth was that he felt just
    fine. Quite good, in fact. Except ... "I don't suppose I could
    get something to eat?" he requested politely.
    Keroberus tensed. After Sakura's trial, the line between
    Yue and Yukito had begun to blur a little. Shouldn't Yue have
    all of his memories even in this form? Why was he behaving so
    strangely? And food? Still, it would give him a chance to chat
    with ... Yukito, and see what he could learn. "Can you walk?"
    Yukito blinked. He moved his legs slowly, experimentally,
    and then set his feet gently on the ground. "Yes, of course."
    "Then we should go to the kitchen." He turned and headed
    for the door sparing only a bit of attention to see that Yukito
    did, indeed, seem solid enough on his feet. It was going to be
    an interesting night.
    ***
    It was definitely white feathers. And they were so very
    warm. She sighed with deep contentment as they wrapped
    themselves more tightly around her in a living and conscious act.
    Soft and bright and beautiful. Gentle and luminous. Like
    moonlight. And as Sakura awoke, she remembered the promise of
    the previous day.
    Yue would be fine. Whatever was happening to him now was a
    part of the concerted effort that would ultimately save him. It
    was frustrating not understanding what was intended for the
    beautiful soul in her keeping, but she trusted that when it was
    time for her to play her role, she would know what she was meant
    to do.
    The sunlight of morning was making it much harder for her to
    doubt that the future held anything but modest success and
    continued happiness.
    And as she stood and began dressing for the day, she could
    still feel the warmth and gentle pressure of that dream embrace
    that was, even now, slipping away from her conscious mind.
    ***
    "So ..." Yukito said, doing his best to concentrate on the
    problem. "Yue is ... sick?"
    Keroberus sighed. "We're not really sure. All I know is
    that last night for no reason that I can think of he lost
    consciousness and you appeared. You don't remember any of it?"
    Yukito shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's not coming to me."
    "What's the last thing you remember?"
    Sakura crying. Fujitaka-san looking helpless and sad. To-
    ya's body lying in their bed still and cold. Kneeling beside
    him. Holding his long slender hand. Pain.
    He had cried then; had sobbed and shaken and clutched that
    hand; had wished that he too could close his eyes and slip gently
    beyond the reach of this infinite hurt.
    But he'd promised.
    To-ya had known months before that he didn't have long. His
    keen perception had not relied as heavily on magical power as
    they'd all once believed. It seemed that he was still the first
    to know in more cases than not.
    He had been prepared for it since the day he'd made his
    decision ... his sacrifice. When the time had come, he'd asked
    for Yukito's word.
    "Take care of her," he'd insisted. "Promise me you'll
    protect her."
    How could he have said no? To this day Yukito didn't know
    who that promise had really been meant to benefit. Had Touya
    been worried that his younger sister would be in danger, or that
    Yukito himself would fall into despair if he didn't have a
    purpose to cling to?
    But promise he had, and breaking a promise to To-ya was
    unthinkable. To-ya had asked so little of him in all their
    wonderful years together.
    The pain had gone on, though.
    Back then he and Yue might as well have been one entity.
    Their behavior and personalities were still very different, but
    their motivations were always the same. Love of To-ya, love of
    Sakura, desire to be useful. Their memories too were all drawn
    from a common well. Yukito remembered being Yue remembered being
    Yukito more and more every day.
    Yue, though, did not show his pain. Did not, in fact, feel
    it as intently. Oh, Yue ached. Yue longed for the one lost to
    him, but Yue's was the pain of one who was used to dealing with
    grief as a matter of centuries. Yukito's pain stabbed and gnawed
    and refused to be comforted. Yue's pain fell gently into a river
    of time that flowed slowly through his soul channeled by the
    banks of duty and experience. Yue knew he could face the pain
    because he had done it all before. He was grateful that this
    time the loss would not be compounded by centuries of forced
    solitude.
    And so, when Yukito's pain had become too much for him to
    bear, Yukito's consciousness had come to the surface less often.
    Until one day less often had become never.
    It had been such a long time since he had stirred himself
    mentally. The truth was that he had begun to lose his own will
    and identity. He was no longer aware enough to even monitor the
    things Yue did, let alone tell Keroberus what had happened the
    night before. "I'm not sure," he said meekly. "Some things are
    fuzzy."
    The huge lion beast sighed again and considered. He looked
    up at Yukito in concern and frustration. "And you're feeling
    alright now?"
    "Yes, I feel fine."
    Keroberus paced the length of the kitchen then turned back
    to his problem. "Sit straight and close your eyes."
    Yukito complied.
    "Appear before me," the seal beast demanded. "Yue!"
    Moments passed.
    "Yue!"
    Yukito continued to sit quietly until he was startled by a
    frustrated growl from Keroberus. A truly frightening noise that
    had been enough to overwhelm his usual calm. Feeling slightly
    foolish, he turned towards him. "Does that usually work?" he
    asked.
    "Yes," said the Sun Guardian before going back to his
    pacing.
    "Well, at least some things never change," said a familiar
    voice from the door.
    He turned to see someone eyeing his pile of dishes and
    smiled sheepishly. "Sakura-chan," he said, genuinely happy to
    see her. "Good morning."
    She smiled brightly. That smile. The one that even Yue had
    a hard time resisting. He found himself regretting all the years
    of Sakura smiles of which he now had no memory. "Good morning,
    Yukito-san," she said, and her cheerful voice belied the story of
    the panicked previous night that Keroberus had related to him.
    "Did you have enough to eat? If you'd like I could make
    pancakes."
    "Pancakes?" he asked eagerly. He was rewarded by Sakura's
    silver laughter. He put his hand behind his neck and smiled
    back. "That sounds wonderful. Should I help?"
    Keroberus growled. "How can you two be so calm about this?"
    He turned to his master. "Aren't you going to figure out what's
    going on?"
    She smiled again. "Of course, Kero-chan. But first I'm
    going to have breakfast. Would you like some?"
    Keroberus blinked. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Sakura-
    chan," he said, lowering his head.
    She bent down and hugged him tightly. Yukito could hear her
    whispering, but did not attempt to make out the words.
    The Sun Guardian didn't say anything, but began to purr
    gently. Sakura gave him a quick peck, then stood and turned her
    attention to gathering ingredients as she hummed quietly to
    herself. Yukito watched her with affection. She was an amazing
    person. He was relieved that she no longer seemed worried. If
    Sakura was confident that nothing was really wrong, then
    everything would work out alright.
    And here he was. Awake. Alive and aware. He examined his
    soul.
    It still hurt. The pain had not gone away. Once, though,
    there had been no room in him for anything except pain. Now the
    pain was ever present, but not overwhelming.
    He would never forget To-ya. But perhaps time did offer
    healing after all.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    That's all for now, folks! Reviews welcome. Really.
    Next time: Sakura has a secret, Yukito makes a decision, dreams
    of a different flavor.
    See ya there!
    


	5. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    This story contains SPOILERS for the entire manga series as well
    as shonen ai (homosexual themes) and VAST quantities of what my
    onee-sama calls 'WAFF' and I call 'Undiluted sap.' In fact, as
    far as I know, I'm the only fanfic author in existence who can
    begin a fic by killing off fully half the cast of any given show
    and *still* get comments like 'that gave me a toothache.' You
    have been warned.
    This is a sequel to my first Sakura story 'Persephone's Dilemma.'
    Unlike 'Persephone's Dilemma,' Ad Finem is primarily a romance.
    Some magical theory is discussed, but it isn't the main point of
    this story. The main point of this story is a shameless matchup
    of my favorite couple. There will be a sequel to 'Ad Finem'
    which will also be fairly shameless, but for different reasons.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    Did I forget anything? Oh, yeah. If you read this, I'd love to
    hear what you thought. I'm always searching for ways to improve
    my writing, so I appreciate negative comments as much as positive
    ones as long as they are polite and constructive. If you just
    want to say whether you liked it, though, that is greatly
    appreciated also.
    Enjoy!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    ============
    Chapter Five
    ============
    "Sakura-chan?" Keroberus asked quietly when they were alone
    later in the morning. "Do you know yet what's going on?"
    She looked up from the book she was reading and regarded him
    for a moment. "Not really," she admitted. "But I think it's
    part of what I've been trying to do for him."
    "Then you've already started the actual process?" he asked,
    a little hurt that he hadn't been consulted or asked for
    assistance.
    Sakura looked at him in surprise. "No, of course not! I
    still have *so* much research to do, and I'm not even sure that I
    have all the materials I'd need, and ..." She trailed off and
    regarded the cover of the book in her hands with care.
    "Keroberus, I did not do this to Yue. At least not
    consciously. Not intentionally. But you know how these things
    work. Once I begin focusing my attention in a direction, a lot
    of really weird things start happening. At first it seems like a
    lot of strange problems and I go and try to fix them but then I
    find out that there is a lot more going on than I thought. Other
    magicians using me for plans they didn't tell me about, the
    spirits of the dead, hostile or benevolent changing the flow of
    power around me, or you, or some important location. You know.
    Weird stuff like that. And in the end we find out that we've
    managed to somehow learn the solution to whatever problem we've
    been having while we were dealing with all the other stuff, that
    we find out later was just Eriol-kun or Okaa-san, or someone like
    that trying to help us find the answer." She made a quick gasp
    for air. "I think - I'm pretty sure that something like that is
    going on. I think this is part of the answer. I'm pretty sure
    that everything is going to be alright."
    "Sakura-chan, that's ..."
    She fidgeted a little. "I know, but I really think we'll
    understand all of this, just not right now."
    "But when? Do you know who's behind this?"
    She did. It was clear from the look on her face. "Who is
    it, Sakura?"
    She was reluctant to say. He could feel her uncertainty,
    but she seemed to be coming around. "Promise you won't tell
    Yukito-san?" she asked.
    He nodded.
    "Or Yue?" just to cover all her bases.
    He nodded again.
    She leaned a little closer. "I think ... I'm pretty sure
    that it's ..." She looked around as if to make sure she wouldn't
    be overheard. "Onii-chan."
    "WHAT?"
    "Shhh. Quiet!"
    "YOUR BROTHER!?"
    "Kero-chan! Mou!"
    "But - !"
    "*Please*, Kero-chan!"
    He grunted, but bowed his head. "So you think that he's
    behind this?"
    "I think so. He's been behaving rather strangely lately."
    "Yue?"
    "Onii-chan."
    Keroberus blinked. "What do you ... Never mind. So, what
    are we going to do about it?"
    "I'm not really going to do anything," she admitted after a
    moment's consideration. "His life force and magical field are as
    strong as ever, and he's not in any immediate danger. There's no
    real reason for us to interfere. If Onii-chan wants him to stay
    in his Yukito-san form for a while, I don't see why he
    shouldn't."
    "But Sakura! What if something happens? What if you need
    protecting!? What if-?"
    "Don't worry about that," she reassured him. "It's been a
    long time since anything out of the ordinary has happened. You
    and I can probably keep things going here."
    "But if-"
    "And if we do need Yue, I'm sure he'll come back. When has
    Onii-chan ever let me be in danger?"
    Keroberus looked up at her, but finally nodded. Perhaps she
    was right. "Sakura?"
    "Yes?"
    "Please tell me if ... You'll let me know if you need
    anything? Won't you?"
    She smiled. "Of course I will, Kero-chan! Thank you!"
    Then she stood and left the room humming softly to herself.
    There were details to attend to, and that gave meaning to life.
    He watched her go and considered the information she had
    given him. He'd never understood Kinomoto Touya, but Yue had
    loved him, and that, aside from being very very strange, spoke
    volumes for the man.
    And Sakura trusted him.
    For now, that would have to be good enough. Good enough for
    all of them.
    ***
    Sakura had missed Yukito-san. In many ways, he and Yue were
    the same person. She was drawn to both of them by the same great
    spiritual force. Yukito, however, was of a kinder turn of
    phrase. He was friendly and usually cheerful in a way that Yue
    was not.
    Yue was a friend. A very important and beloved friend.
    But Yukito was a big brother.
    And in over two-hundred years, she had never outgrown the
    need for a big brother. It had hurt to lose him. Especially so
    soon after ...
    It was strange to have him suddenly back in her life. A bit
    awkward, but incredibly welcome.
    The worst part was no longer worry about some terrible
    magical malady, but the uncharacteristic distant look in his eyes
    sometimes. She wondered if, given the choice he would have
    stayed buried in Yue's subconscious forever.
    Not that she wouldn't have understood.
    It was with reverence and joy that Sakura looked back on her
    own brief time with the love of her life. When Li Syaoran had
    died, she'd thought for a long time that the sorrow would break
    her. Day after day she'd had little energy for anything, and
    she'd bourne up in the end only because she'd been surrounded by
    friends. Tomoyo, Yukito-san, Dad and Onii-chan had all done what
    they could to show their love and support. Her father in
    particular had seemed to know just what to do to help her feel
    human again.
    In time, she'd learned to master her grief. The pain merely
    added relish to all of the wonderful memories of Syaoran that she
    treasured in her heart. When the memories had begun to give her
    more joy than pain she'd known . The secret of life. The
    sweetness of love remembered.
    She still woke some mornings expecting his arms to be around
    her, but while in the beginning this had often brought tears to
    her eyes, now it made her smile.
    The memory of love had the power to comfort her almost as
    completely as the reality of love once had. She indulged herself
    now by thinking of him often. The hostile boy-child who'd helped
    her so much in the darkest hours of her pre-trial days; the
    trusted friend who'd warned her and supported her as she'd
    struggled to remake the cards; the shy suitor making that halting
    and infinitely dear confession of childhood love; the strong and
    quiet teenager who'd come back to find her after somehow becoming
    so much taller than she.
    The beautiful man with the gentle hands who had always
    kissed her with that dizzying blend of uncertainty and driving
    need.
    The years of their marriage had been the happiest of her
    life. She'd always be grateful to him for those years. She was
    much too old now to let a trivial thing like bereavement keep her
    from appreciating him as he deserved.
    And so, to the alter of memory, Sakura had given up her
    tears, and now thought of Syaoran only with joy and laughter. He
    would have wanted it that way.
    He'd always hated to see her cry.
    "Yukito-san?" she asked softly during a pause in her
    freind's questioning about the last century. One in which he
    seemed distracted by some surge of melancholia. "If ... if I'd
    tried harder ... if I'd ... I felt so guilty back then. I felt
    like it was all my fault that he ... I didn't ... I didn't feel
    like I had the *right* to talk to you or try to comfort you that
    night. In some ways, I guess I was afraid you'd ... I know it's
    silly, but I did blame myself, so I felt that you probably blamed
    me too."
    "Sakura-chan! I could never -!"
    "Oh! I know you'd never -! But ... Yukito-san, I ... He
    died because of me. There's no other way of seeing it. I knew
    you hurt. I wanted so much to stay with you and..." He held out
    his hand to her and she took it slowly. Yukito's hand. So warm
    and soft and ... human. She blinked to try to make the tears go
    away. "I guess what I want to know is, if I'd been stronger; if
    I'd stayed and hugged you and cried with you until we were both
    ready to talk about it; if I had been there to comfort you the
    way you've always comforted me; the way you deserved, would it
    have made a difference? Would you ... would you have stayed?"
    She had seen the shadow of pain in his eyes many times in
    the hours since their forced reunion. She knew that his grieving
    process was far from over. But for the first time that day, he
    now let down the barriers. The pain in his eyes surged and raged
    and burned. She saw him tremble. His hand shook rapidly against
    her own, but he didn't look away. He whispered a hoarse "I ..."
    then tried again. "I don't know, Sakura-chan. It ... hurt."
    She squeezed his hand a little more tightly. "I know," she
    said. "I didn't mean to-"
    "I'm so sorry. I was weak. I know you must have ..."
    She shook her head and wiped a stray tear away with her free
    hand. "Please, Yukito-san! I can't say that I know exactly how
    you felt, but I know why you withdrew. Don't you think that if I
    had a way, I'd leave the pain and the loneliness behind too? I'd
    have done the same thing in your position. I just ..." she
    smiled a little, not wanting to cause him more hurt. "I just
    missed you. That's all."
    He tried to return her smile. The effort was enough to set
    her heart at ease, but she ached for him. She hoped that she'd
    be able to find some way to help him cope with the pain he'd
    obviously left unfelt for much too long.
    It was then that she began to suspect the reason for his
    return.
    She rose and walked to stand behind him, then wrapped both
    arms firmly around his shoulders. She held on as the tears
    started running down his beautiful calm face. "It's alright,
    Yukito-san. It's alright. You can't hide forever. Sooner or
    later you have to face it."
    This time, she held him as he cried.
    ***
    Tsukishiro Yukito had always been a gentle and kind person.
    In the days before he'd regained his memories of his life as the
    Moon Guardian Yue, he had always done all that he could to help
    and protect those he loved and to be polite to everyone no matter
    what. His emotions in those days didn't go very far beyond the
    love, compassion, and generosity that he was known so well for.
    When Yue awoke, elements of chaos had begun to make
    themselves felt in the midst of his idyllic life. Confusion.
    Worry. And eventually jealousy. It had been a gradual and
    painful process which began one day when he blacked out and woke
    up somewhere else. That event repeated itself many times in the
    weeks that followed. This would have been cause for great
    concern by itself, but it was accompanied by another mystery that
    was just as troubling. He had begun to feel weaker. Tired and
    sick.
    To-ya had noticed; had understood. To-ya had been there for
    him to talk to and cry to. To-ya had made him believe that
    everything would be alright. He had even been quick to reassure
    him when that ... creature Nakuru had tried so hard to come
    between them. It had hurt so much to know that such an
    attractive and powerful classmate seemed to know so much about
    To-ya; seemed to be able to keep his attention so easily. In the
    end, however, it had been Nakuru who had pushed the moment to its
    crisis and given To-ya the final motivation he needed to do what
    Yukito had instinctively known he would do all along.
    To make everything alright.
    To-ya had given him the key to understanding what had been
    happening. He had been the one to help him remember his other
    self. His other life.
    And To-ya had saved him.
    It was useless to feel regret. His friend had done what
    he'd had to do so that they wouldn't be separated. That one act
    of selflessness had bound the two together emotionally and
    spiritually. Suddenly the need to say the words he'd become so
    frustrated with had been gone forever. All his doubts had fled.
    Suddenly he had the power to look deeply into To-ya's soul. He
    had known from that moment on that his love *was* returned; had
    *always* been returned. That he had made his choice not to help
    his friend, but to save his beloved.
    Neither of them had needed words ever again.
    Was it so strange, then, that Yukito's pain ran so deep and
    so wide? Was it a mystery that when his whole life had ground to
    a screeching halt, he had allowed it to do so without even
    putting up a fight?
    Life, however, has a way of making its demands even on the
    grief stricken. Just as you can't cheat death, you can't cheat
    life.
    And so, here he was. Back among the living, as it were.
    Back from his self imposed exile.
    He felt vaguely ashamed of himself for many reasons. Most
    of all, though, he regretted his emotional abandonment of Sakura.
    He knew -- had always known -- how important he was in her life.
    He didn't even try to convince himself that Yue had filled the
    space he had always occupied in her heart.
    He remembered the night that Sakura had lost her husband.
    Remembered the haunted look in her eyes and the way she had
    looked up when he came into the hospital room. How she had stood
    when he arrived, curled up on his lap and stayed there. It had
    seemed so natural holding her like that. Letting her keep her
    face pressed so tightly into his chest. Even after To-ya and
    Fujitaka-san had arrived, she had clung to Yukito. Her father
    and brother had seemed to understand. Hadn't seemed to mind.
    And he himself had just been grateful to be able to do
    *something* for her; to have an active role in helping her to
    survive the pain and the shock.
    It had been so sudden.
    But it had helped him to realize that his place in Sakura-
    chan's life was a unique one. She loved her family and her other
    friends, but it was Yukito to whom she had always turned for
    empathy and compassion.
    His sensitive nature had been at once the thing that drew
    her to him and the thing that had made it too hard for him to
    cope with his own pain.
    Now, however, it seemed that he had been given an
    opportunity to make it up to her. He had to look at it that way.
    He could see that she had dealt with the losses of her lifetime
    as any mature and solitary woman would have done, but the
    compounded losses had left her subdued; sometimes melancholy;
    lonely.
    'To-ya,' he prayed. 'She's grown into a strong and
    beautiful woman just like you knew she would. I'm sorry I let
    her become so lonely. I'm sorry if I let you down. I was weak
    and selfish. But please, To-ya. Help me now. I want so much to
    comfort her and love her, I'm just not sure I have the will to.
    No matter how much warning you gave me, I wasn't ready when you
    left me. I wasn't prepared. It left me so empty inside. So
    very wounded and confused. I don't know if I can get over you,
    To-ya. I don't know if I can ever be whole again. And how can I
    help Sakura like this? How can I do anything but make her worry
    more?'
    Images flowed gently into his mind. Sakura smiling. Sakura
    handing him valentines chocolate when she was a child. Sakura
    making her first timid love confession, then smiling even in her
    obvious sorrow at his rejection, Sakura beautiful and so happy
    that she glowed on the day of her wedding.
    Strength. Sakura was cheerful and loving, but most of all,
    Sakura was strong. Li Syaoran; Yue; Hiiragizawa Eriol, all of
    them had hurt her; troubled her; tried to defeat her, but each of
    them she had overcome and then gently and fully taken into her
    life and her heart.
    The truth was that Sakura didn't need him. Not really.
    But he needed her. If anyone could teach him how to live
    after great loss, it was Sakura. If anyone could understand how
    hard it was to come to grips with duty when all you wanted to do
    was join those you loved who were on the other side, she could.
    And fate had pushed the two of them together.
    Fate, or perhaps To-ya, now that he thought about it. Who
    was to say which of them needed the other more. If there was a
    lesson, he'd do his best to learn it. If there was a duty, he'd
    try not to fail.
    And when Yue did return, he wouldn't let it be forever. He
    wouldn't lose himself again. He'd find a way to stay with her,
    because she deserved that much from him. And it was all he could
    offer.
    ***
    It wasn't Sakura's habit to dose off in the middle of the
    day. That was one of the reasons she knew that her dream was
    more than a dream.
    "So, why haven't you figured it out yet?" asked Onii-chan.
    "Hoeee?"
    He leaned back against the kitchen counter in their old
    house in Tokyo and looked at her in mock sternness.
    And in her dream she felt the familiar childish irritation
    he had always delighted in causing in her. She seethed quietly
    for a moment, then reminded herself that she wasn't a child
    anymore. It was hard to do since her dream self came up to her
    brother's belt buckle.
    This would not do. She focused. The days when she could be
    pushed around by dreams *or* brothers lay in the distant past.
    Magic was an intuitive act of will, and when her will had been
    extended, she stood as an adult before her adult brother.
    "What have I been doing wrong?" she asked calmly. "What
    should I do?"
    He smiled a little, proud of her for seeing through his
    challenge. "You just keep loving him," he said. "There's time
    for solving of great mysteries later." He folded his arms and
    looked down on her in his typical bored way.
    "There isn't time. I'm-"
    "Tired?"
    And suddenly she felt selfish and silly. If she wasn't
    careful, she'd be four foot tall again. She frowned. "Can't
    you-"
    "Nope."
    "Onii-chan-"
    "Why are you asking *me* all these questions? You never
    asked for my advice when I was alive! I had a few things to say
    too! Since when is it my job to make your life easier?"
    She looked down, trying to decide how to feel about that
    particular argument. She'd often suspected that things would
    have been different if she'd confided in her older brother from
    the beginning, but if she knew one thing it was that the past
    can't be rewritten.
    The knowledge sometimes ate her up inside.
    He touched her face; made her meet his eyes. "Listen,
    squirt," he said in a tone that for him passed for concern.
    "It's not going to be easy. There's a lot of stuff you've still
    got to finish and it won't get done overnight. You need to be
    prepared for that, so don't start looking at burial plots yet."
    The look she gave him was truly pathetic, weary and
    pleading, and in her dream, he seemed to understand. He seemed
    to feel pain for her. "I'm tired too," he said. "But we both
    have to see this through. I promise it won't all be suffering
    and loss. Life still has a nice surprise or two for the Kaijuu-
    chan."
    "Kaijuu ja nai," she whispered near tears of frustration.
    He looked toward heaven. "This was supposed to help."
    "Onii-chan?"
    "Yeah?"
    "Will you always be with him? If you stay, then the problem
    is solved. But you're not going to, are you?"
    He shook his head sadly. "I can't. I've already stayed
    longer than I should have. Every day it gets a little harder to
    resist the pull of destiny. I'm meant to be elsewhere."
    "Reborn?"
    "I think so. It's hard to say."
    "So..."
    "Don't get me wrong. You think you could do this without
    me? I'll see this through with you. But after that ..."
    When he had died it had hurt. But now? "He's going to
    cry," she whispered.
    Touya looked down. "I'm sure he will. Sakura, I ... I'm
    counting on you to help him. He's going to need you."
    She nodded, unable to speak even in this dream world until
    ... "Onii-chan?"
    "Yes?"
    "When the time comes, promise me you'll ... say goodbye. To
    him, I mean. I know you can. I think that would make it
    easier."
    "I will," he promised. "He's stronger than he knows, but
    he'll need you there."
    "Is that why you ... ?"
    He nodded. "Partly. Yukito was sleeping. Yue doesn't think
    of Yuki as real. He thinks of him as a disguise that's no longer
    practical. A false self. But that's not really the case. Clow
    Reed made him with two sides for a reason. One side has to
    balance the other. He can't be happy if he's always Yue. You've
    seen how moody he's been lately. When both sides are strong,
    then he'll be able to heal. Until he heals, he won't have the
    will he'd need to make this all come together. He probably
    wouldn't even care enough to try."
    She nodded, but remained troubled. "I can't make it better,
    Onii-chan. I can't even get over my *own* past let alone make
    anyone else's go away."
    "So who's asking you to?" he drawled. "He's a grownup.
    Either he'll get over it or he won't. You-" he touched her nose
    gently, "just need to be there for him. Talk to him. Smile at
    him. Work that special Sakura magic that has nothing to do with
    star power or moon power or whatever power. Remind him that he
    doesn't have to be alone. Can you do that?"
    Sakura blushed. Unconsciously, she'd begun to suspect her
    brother's true motivations but she wasn't sure how she felt about
    them. In her dream, though, she burned with embarrassment. With
    desire and intimidation. How could Yue ever ... "Onii-chan, I-"
    But if he could ... "I suppose-" He was so achingly beautiful.
    So sensitive and strong. When she was with him, she felt so ...
    "I'll do my best, onii-chan."
    He smiled in a superior and self assured way. "You'll do
    fine."
    Then his expression softened and he looked at her with
    serious and concerned eyes. "You mustn't be discouraged." he
    said, then took her into his arms and held her as he had rarely
    done in life. "Loss is a natural part of life. You've grown so
    strong through all of this. I hope you know how proud I am of
    you. How proud everyone is of you. You're doing a fine job."
    He pulled away and looked deeply into her eyes. She did her best
    to look brave. There was just so much to do. "Poor kaijuu-
    chan," he said. "Don't worry. You won't be alone forever."
    And she felt herself waking up. "I miss you," she said
    quietly and was rewarded by another rare smile from her older
    brother as the dream faded away into the walls of her study. She
    picked her head up from her desk and blinked. Another dream.
    Another strange and fragmented prophecy. This time, however, it
    remained clear in her memory as she went to look for her friends.
    ***
    Keroberus noticed the change in his master. She seemed
    significantly calmer, for one thing. Her worry had been
    transmuted into something a bit more resigned. Softer. More
    determined. Another change seemed to be the way she had begun to
    treat the snow bunny. She had stopped hovering about him like
    some mother duck and now seemed content to talk to him quietly,
    give him all the space she could, and to watch him (mostly
    unobserved) with eyes that were more than just kind. Soft, warm,
    and with some sort of vague expectation.
    Sakura was waiting for something. It was obvious that she
    was expecting to see some sort of change in him at any moment.
    When she did, it seemed clear that she would know what to do
    next. But was it his imagination, or was there more to it than
    just her eagerness to help her friend? Something more sparkled
    in her eyes and made its way gently down through the emotional
    link that was part of his connection to her. Something he hadn't
    sensed in her since ...
    Was he wrong to worry? She'd had her heart broken once
    before. As young as she'd been at the time, her feelings had not
    been the least bit childish. It had been unkind of the snow
    bunny to dismiss them as such. She had been so brave back then,
    but no on had truly known the extent of her pain. No one had
    even suspected the agony she had gone through even as she
    struggled so hard to reassure them both that she was very happy
    for them.
    No one but Keroberus.
    And perhaps Yue, though he had never said anything about it.
    Never hinted that he had any clue how much his happiness cost his
    master.
    Keroberus had done what he could. He'd comforted her in the
    only way he knew how.
    Slowly, she had healed.
    While it hadn't been easy back then, he felt reluctant to
    speak to her about it. After all, more than anyone else, she had
    to be aware what the consequences might be. But as she watched
    and waited it was obvious. Completely and perfectly so.
    Sakura was letting herself fall in love with Yukito all over
    again.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    More on Thursday. Let me know what you think, k?
    -Michelle Thatcher
    http://www.akane.org/michelle
    


	6. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    This story contains SPOILERS for the entire manga series as well
    as shonen ai (homosexual themes) and VAST quantities of what my
    onee-sama calls 'WAFF' and I call 'Undiluted sap.' In fact, the
    remaining chapters have reduced grown men to tears with their
    sheer mushiness. You have been warned.
    This is a sequel to my first Sakura story 'Persephone's Dilemma.'
    Unlike 'Persephone's Dilemma,' Ad Finem is primarily a romance.
    Some magical theory is discussed, but it isn't the main point of
    this story.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    Did I forget anything? Oh, yeah. If you read this, I'd love to
    hear what you thought. I'm always searching for ways to improve
    my writing, so I appreciate negative comments as much as positive
    ones as long as they are polite and constructive. If you just
    want to say whether you liked it, though, that is greatly
    appreciated also.
    Enjoy!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    ===========
    Chapter Six
    ===========
    Onii-chan had said to love him.
    It was hard to see him struggling so desperately. To know
    yourself to be helpless in the face of a friend's pain. She did
    her best to offer support whenever she could, but knew that it
    was his battle.
    It was a process that she was intimately familiar with. One
    day over tea, he'd asked her advice with tortured eyes. "How do
    you do it?" he'd whispered. "How do you find the strength when
    even wanting to go on living feels like a betrayal of the one you
    love?"
    "You feel it." she'd replied. "You take hold of your
    emotions and you taste each one as fully as you can. Then you
    cry and you scream and you shake until you're too tired to move
    and you fall asleep. When you wake up, you feel numb, so you do
    something else for a while. You sew, or make cookies, or go for
    a walk. In a few days, you ask yourself if you're ready to look
    towards the pain again."
    "Until the pain goes away?" he asked in a small tired voice.
    She shook her head. "The pain never goes away. It's only
    the sting that goes away. When you can feel the pain and
    acknowledge the pain but go on living without the numbness, then
    things start to look better. Then you notice that the flowers
    and the stars and the trees are still beautiful. Then you want
    to live because you feel in your heart it's what *he* would want
    you to do."
    He'd nodded in agreement; tried to look determined. It
    filled her with hope and admiration. She watched as he did his
    best to follow her advice in the weeks that followed.
    Because Onii-chan had said to love him.
    And as days passed and moments gathered, she loved him. As
    he helped her prepare the garden for winter and managed, despite
    the gloves and the tools to collect its dark soil on every part
    of his body, she loved him. As he lost game after game of chess
    to the gloating Keroberus with all the cheerful grace she
    remembered, she loved him. As her stores of food declined
    rapidly and she began to make plans for expanding the pantries,
    she loved him.
    And as the shadows continued to darken his gaze in quiet
    moments, she loved him and loved him and loved him.
    It was the most natural thing in the world, this opening of
    her heart to the most gentle person she had ever known. She
    found that each day her joy at being near him increased a little.
    On days when he withdrew to come to terms with the loss, she
    sensed less despair in him and more determination.
    He was growing stronger.
    Perhaps soon he'd ...
    She hoped she'd be ready.
    ***
    Yue was lost. He was lonely and confused, and he missed
    Sakura-sama. On one level, he was vaguely aware that things were
    going on. He knew that Yukito was somehow living his life again
    and that he was spending time with Sakura-sama. The knowledge
    should have comforted him, but it didn't. There was a strange
    mental detachment that kept him from really seeing or hearing
    everything that was going on, and kept him from having to face
    too closely the things that he felt seeing his other self spend
    so much time with his master.
    He wanted to be with her.
    To-ya was still with him. He cold still feel that familiar
    internal comfort. At first it had been very ... irritating. 'I
    don't *need* comfort and reassurance!' he'd raged silently. 'I
    need to go back! I need to let my master know that I'm alright!
    I need to be with her!'
    Of course, there had been no change. Just To-ya's love and
    To-ya's peace, and in the end, the anger had faded.
    He could never be mad at To-ya for long.
    It was becoming increasingly frustrating, though. Most
    frustrating of all, perhaps, was the fact that he had nothing to
    do but sit and miss Sakura-sama and stew over his own emotions on
    the subject.
    As soon as he could figure out what they were.
    He knew that he wanted to be with her. He knew, too, that
    it was more than just a sense of duty or a desire to stand ready
    to defend her if the need arose. She had become the center of
    his life.
    Yue hadn't been looking for another chance at romance. He
    hadn't planned on becoming more emotionally tangled in any way.
    Why look for new relationship when the old one still made you so
    content? Why open yourself up to those kinds of trouble when
    you're surrounded by friendship and filled with love.
    He was content to be loved by To-ya.
    But now his thoughts so often turned to Sakura-sama.
    Beloved Sakura-sama.
    It was incredibly confusing. The worst part was that he
    knew that not all of his warm thoughts in her direction were his
    own. Since he'd realized what he was contemplating, *someone*
    had decided to make his opinion on the subject known. He
    couldn't separate his natural feelings about it from the
    exasperating encouragement that he was sure came from To-ya
    himself. He couldn't stay mad at To-ya forever, but if this kept
    up, he was sure to find out just how *often* he could be mad at
    To-ya.
    'Dammit!' he thought loudly in the metaphorical direction of
    his late lover. 'Come out and fight like a man!'
    There was no response.
    He almost laughed at himself. A fine job he was doing of
    sorting out his emotions. To-ya did need to be consulted,
    however, and there was a good chance he was waiting for a
    somewhat humbler request.
    It was rather infuriating.
    'Alright.' He conceded. 'I'm sorry. You've made your
    opinion on the matter quite clear. Now I need you to let me
    figure this out on my own. You said yourself it means nothing if
    it doesn't come from within me.' He listened, but still nothing
    unusual disturbed the flow of his own thoughts or the whispered
    love that had never faltered through the centuries.
    He missed Sakura-sama.
    That part was genuine. That part was uniquely Yue. She was
    kind and beautiful and loving and he'd basked in the warmth of
    her presence since even before her judgement. He couldn't think
    of a time when he hadn't been made happier by knowing that she
    was nearby and that he was important to her.
    Yukito was with her now, and emotionally, that should have
    been good enough. It always had been in the past. He'd never
    known the line between himself and Yukito to be so defined.
    There had never been a time when he'd been less than fully aware
    of Yukito's life unless he wanted to be. That Yukito could
    experience Sakura's touch; her laughter; her concern now should
    have helped him to feel better. Instead, it seemed to be causing
    him a kind of impotent jealousy.
    To be jealous of one's own self? These feelings were cause
    for reflection as well. Something so ... pathetically Yue
    couldn't possibly be To-ya engendered. That meant that something
    strong and Sakura related *was* going on in his own heart.
    Something beyond the loyalty he'd always felt. Something besides
    the brotherly affection that had insisted he handle her first
    crush with all the delicacy he could muster. Something even
    beyond two centuries of built up admiration.
    He loved her, certainly.
    But was it romantic love?
    Was it the kind of love that overcomes all objections and
    grows in your heart a little stronger each day for all eternity?
    Like the love he still felt for that knuckle-headed To-ya?
    Not quite like that. Not yet. Not on that scale, but along
    that vein. It was a gentle romantic affection, perhaps. The
    kind that might inspire blushes and gossip in young girls, or the
    writing of bad poetry in shy males. At present, however, it was
    nothing more. Nothing to light the seas ablaze or pull the stars
    down from the sky. Beautiful, certainly. Not all consuming.
    A spark.
    It was just so. Like all sparks, it had the potential to
    become more -- or less. Like all sparks, it illuminated; it
    warmed. It could be easily extinguished.
    He had options, then.
    He wouldn't be separated from Sakura-sama forever, but he
    had time to ponder. Time to plan. He knew that if he were wise,
    he'd eliminate this potential for trouble. He'd purify his
    heart; renew his pledges of love to To-ya; swear eternal ...
    whatever. But surely he was in no danger of losing control of
    this tiny spark. He had time to come to know it well. Time to
    place it carefully behind glass. Time to learn more fully its
    dimensions, temperature, and properties. In the mean time, it
    certainly was beautiful.
    And it warmed his soul and illuminated his heart.
    ***
    Yukito didn't know the song that Sakura was humming, but he
    liked it very much. It reminded him of some of the happy summers
    of her childhood -- the years before her magical training had
    begun. The tune was cheerful and full of joy and as she
    accompanied him on his walk through the woods behind her home,
    she performed it with an absentminded abandon that almost made
    him laugh aloud. She hadn't changed so much after all.
    It wasn't that Sakura had no cares. He knew that other than
    his mysterious reappearance there were other things on her mind.
    From time to time he could see their weight upon her. Troubles
    he'd never have imagined had certainly crept up many times even
    in the years he could remember. He had often marveled at the
    grace and gravity with which she had met each challenge. They
    never kept her from being the kind, happy Sakura that he admired
    so much.
    He supposed he'd found the perfect role model. It was a
    high standard to measure up to, but he was doing his best.
    Things really were getting better, though.
    "What are you singing, Sakura-chan?"
    She turned to him with a smile. "Sorry. I forget sometimes
    that I'm singing at all. It's a song from a long time ago. I
    don't remember what it's called, and I've forgotten half the
    words. Something about how I love my life because it's created
    by the choices I make."
    He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, that sounds like a song
    for Sakura."
    "Very funny, Yukito-san."
    "What about the part where you love your life because you're
    Sakura-chan and you were just born that way?"
    She looked at him with playfully narrowed eyes. "You're
    reminding me of a different song," she said. "One called 'Do Not
    Taunt the Magician.' Something about not realizing you've been
    served live frogs for dinner because of an illusion spell."
    But she couldn't hold her stern look when he laughed, and
    they both giggled like children for a moment. Yukito looked down
    on her fondly. "Sometimes," he said. "Sometimes you're so much
    like your brother..."
    Sakura's steps faltered a little.
    ***
    She breathed in slowly not wanting to show a reaction as a
    flutter of treacherous hope rose in her; not wanting to read more
    into his statement than he had intended; not wanting to frighten
    or hurt him in this delicate time in his recovery. She smelled
    the sweetness of the moist dead leaves as they slowly melded with
    the soil, she thought of Syaoran, she ordered her heart to be
    still. When it finally obeyed, she smiled at him. His
    recollections had not banished the contentment from his face
    which meant that he was certainly getting stronger. Perhaps soon
    he would have a lifetime of memories that would make him more
    happy than sad.
    Sakura again focused on her surroundings. The exertion was
    beginning to warm her, so she unbuttoned the top of her coat as
    she watched Yukito look around him in wonder. These were
    beautiful woods. They were full of reminders of the natural
    cycles of life. Reminders that nothing ever really dies and that
    no one is gone who is remembered. She stood in a place of
    happiness because she understood the gifts of a long life of
    experience and adversity.
    It was a place she hoped he would reach soon.
    But reaching it would not make him love her.
    She kept up the pace of their walk willing thoughts like
    that away. She couldn't afford to be melancholy around him of
    all people. Sensitive, perceptive Yukito-san would see through
    it in an instant, and then she'd feel guilty for worrying him.
    Try as she might, however, she couldn't seem to stop
    thinking about how wonderful it would be if this time things were
    different. If this time, she had come to be first in his
    thoughts. In the last few weeks, distressing feelings had begun
    to resurface in her. When Yue had fallen and Yukito had
    appeared, she'd worried. From the depths of her troubled
    subconscious, ugly fears had thrust themselves into her heart.
    The concern, relief, and gentle happiness that had come with
    recent events had set something free. Something she'd buried
    long ago. Something too strong to stay buried forever.
    She found -- with a certain amount of self loathing -- that
    the feelings she'd had for him so long ago had returned in force.
    Now that the idea had presented itself, she couldn't stop
    thinking about how much she wanted ...
    He was still so deep in mourning. For a person like Yukito-
    san, it would probably be years before he even considered finding
    love again.
    If he ever did.
    And Yue ...
    She supposed it was possible that when Yue came back, he'd
    ... He wasn't really the type to ... but ...
    Yue had come to the end of his grieving process long ago.
    If what Onii-chan had told her was correct, when Yue came back,
    he'd be more like his old self. More gentle. More understanding
    and supportive.
    He had always been such a wonderful friend.
    A pang went through her. She missed him. She'd missed
    Yukito too, but couldn't deny that she'd grown used to Yue's
    presence. She'd come to rely on his insight, steadiness, and
    diplomacy. Being without him was beginning to hurt a little.
    The last few mornings she'd awakened to the thought that she
    wouldn't see him, and the ache grew a little each day.
    She missed Yue.
    The soul was the same. She knew that. Every instinct told
    her that to love one was to love the other. And she did. Her
    heart was so full of him. Both of him.
    Onii-chan had seemed to believe that it was possible for she
    and ...
    She shook her head, forgetting for a moment that Yukito
    watched her. It was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Yue was
    too loyal. Too anxious to please her lately. Big love
    confessions had never been her strong point, but in this
    situation, she was so very afraid that telling Yue she loved him
    would be the same as ordering him to love her in return. He'd
    refused her once, but she'd been only eleven at the time, and
    he'd truly been in love with someone else. Now that her power
    was stronger; now that neither of them had any other romantic
    entanglements; now that his concern for her well-being ran deeper
    than ever, she couldn't help worrying that he'd do whatever he
    thought would bring her the most happiness.
    She couldn't be responsible for that.
    No. Even if Yue returned tomorrow, she'd say nothing. He'd
    never learn of her renewed affection from her. She'd love him
    until the day she died, but at the moment, it looked as if she
    would forever love him in silence.
    "What's wrong, Sakura-chan?"
    She stopped. Turned. Refastened one of the buttons at her
    collar. "I just ..." My, but the sky was blue today. "I just
    ... I miss Yue ... a little." As an answer, it would do. It was
    technically accurate and enough to explain the amount of emotion
    she'd let show. "I mean, I love having you here. I hope you'll
    feel like you can ... can come visit every day if you want to.
    It's just that ..."
    He smiled a little. "Just that you see Yue constantly.
    He's an important part of your life and it's strange not to have
    him around."
    She bit her lip and nodded. "Yukito-san, you know how much
    I've missed you. I worried sometimes that you'd never come back,
    and it's been so wonderful to spend this time with you. I just
    wish it could be the way it was. I wish Yue and Yukito could
    both be a part of my life."
    Off in the distance, something wild and winged was calling
    to its mate. Yukito turned towards the sound and thought for a
    long moment. "I have a feeling ..." he whispered. "That Yue
    will come back soon. I don't know why, but I don't think it will
    be much longer now."
    "Yukito-san, I ..."
    "Oh, I understand, Sakura-chan. I know you're not asking me
    to go. Yue will come back to you soon. I think ... I feel that
    he misses you too. He'll return. When he does, I promise I'll
    come see you again sometimes. Alright?"
    _Oh, please don't let me cry._ She held up her right hand,
    pinky extended. "Promise?"
    He hooked his little finger through hers. "I promise."
    She nodded sharply, then grinned. Yue was coming home soon.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    That's all for now, folks! Reviews welcome. Really.
    Next time: More feathers! Snow and uncertainty. Can Sakura bring
    Yue back?
    See ya there!
    


	7. .


    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Ad Finem
    ('til the end)
    A work of Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
    by Michelle
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    I've said before and I'll say again, this story is a *romance.*
    Its primary focus is a love relationship between two people.
    This means that the ending in particular (this chapter and the
    next one) is going to be mushy, and sappy, and yes, corny, so if
    this is not your idea of entertainment, if, for example, you
    believe that boys, (or girls) have cooties, or you think that
    that kissing stuff is all well and good but we want to see Sakura
    in a fetish costume kicking some ass, then this might not be the
    story for you. You may prefer the sequel which should be out in
    a month or so and features a lot more blood and guest appearances
    from some of the other manga characters, and even has a scene
    with a man wrestling a bear for no reason. (Actually, there's no
    bear. I just made that up.) You may even prefer to find a story
    by a different author. Fanfiction.net has many to offer.
    None of these characters belong to me. Really. Not one.
    Big thankses to everyone who's sent replies so far. All of them
    are appreciated very much! I'll try to return the favor when I
    have reading time in my schedule again.
    After this chapter, there'll be one more and then an epilogue.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    =============
    Chapter Seven
    =============
    Beautiful white wings kept the cold of the world from her as
    they encircled her; brushed against her skin; cradled her in
    their intimate embrace. She wished for a moment that morning
    would never come to take away the memory of being enfolded;
    protected; loved, but knew that even now the urgent business of
    her life was working its way up through her sleeping mind like
    bubbles in a champaign flute. She knew that this dream like the
    ones before it would leave its gift of hope, encouragement, and
    comfort, and would then evaporate from her memory leaving her
    happily puzzled, but stronger for having been here, like this,
    with him, even for a moment, even in a dream.She instinctively
    clung to the warmth, pulled it tight around herself and
    concentrated on the sensation until she couldn't keep herself
    from quietly moaning.
    The need to wake retreated for a moment, resigned to give
    her the chance to take what pleasure she could, but there was
    much to be done. Much to be done because today was the day.
    Much to be done because it was time.
    It was time.
    Her eyes opened abruptly.
    She closed them again.
    Why was it so bright in her room? Slowly she stretched.
    Something good must have happened in her dream because she was
    smiling despite the unnaturally white state of her bedroom. This
    time she opened her eyes more cautiously.
    The light said it was time.
    She squinted, but rose and made her way courageously to the
    window and looked out at the glory of the year's first snow. The
    woods were startling white against the black skeletons of trees.
    A thick, deep blanket grew thicker and deeper as the slow
    downward waltz of countless flakes went on. Winter had been
    coming to these hills just like this for thousands and thousands
    of years, and would, no doubt, continue to do so for thousands
    more. Today, though, the snow was the final messenger of what
    she knew with greater and greater certainty with every moment
    that passed. An outward sign that the world was remaking itself
    today.
    Because it was time.
    Was today the day that Yue would return to her? A shy
    tremulous joy took root inside her. Yue. Yue who had been her
    constant companion for nearly two hundred years. Yue whose deep
    purple eyes could calm her in the midst of any crisis magical or
    personal. Yue whose place in her life she was only now beginning
    to really admit to herself.
    She felt a stab of guilt over the pleasure this hope gave
    her, but Yukito had promised to come back, hadn't he? It wasn't
    as if she were trading one for the other.
    It would be so good to see Yue again.
    And it was time.
    ***
    Placing Yukito carefully on a chair in the middle of her
    study, she leaned over to give him a friendly kiss on the cheek.
    "Don't be a stranger," she whispered.
    He looked up at her and smiled. "Thank you for your help,
    Sakura-chan. I ... I won't run away again."
    Much was communicated silently between them for a few
    moments, then she stepped clear of her magic circle, and began to
    gather her power.
    "Shouldn't we wait until moonrise?" Keroberus asked. "It's
    almost full again."
    Sakura brought her hands out in front of her and held her
    palms toward the subject of her spell. "That won't be necessary.
    This won't take much of his power."
    Her aura flared around her for a moment and she closed her
    eyes. "Appear before me," she commanded. "Yue."
    Moments passed and she felt Yukito look up at her self
    consciously, but she didn't open her eyes. Keroberus made a
    worried grunt. Sakura frowned, then reached for her mystical
    connection to Yukito and allowed herself to fall into a minor
    spell trance. She consciously traced her power from her own soul
    into the one it supported and wasn't surprised to be met there by
    a familiar presence. 'What now?' she asked him silently. 'I
    know it's time for Yue to come back. Did I miss something?'
    Touya's spirit brushed up against hers gently. 'No,' he
    admitted. 'Just wanted to say hi.'
    Sakura mumbled something about brothers who hadn't been this
    talkative for the *last* couple of centuries, but she was
    pleased. 'Are we doing alright?' she asked.
    'Okay, I suppose,' but his pride was evident. 'He's feeling
    a lot better now, and I think it'll make Yue a little easier to
    live with.' Smugness radiated from him and if she hadn't been an
    ethereal expression of her pure spiritual being, she may have
    blushed. He could be so ...
    'Sakura,' he whispered kindly. It surprised her out of her
    embarrassment and her irritation.
    'Yes?'
    'Thank you. He's ... he's kind of important to me.'
    'I know, Onii-chan.'
    'Now,' he said, all business for once. 'Call him.'
    As his presence retreated, she probed Yukito's magical field
    once more. His power flowed gently around her, but his physical
    form hadn't changed. There was still no anomaly she could
    detect. No clue to where she might look to find how Yue had been
    sealed away. Call him, Onii-chan had said.
    Call him.
    The words touched something deep inside her, a desperate
    longing to see him; hear his voice; let him know that she had
    missed him.
    _Yue,_ her soul called out. _Please Yue! Come back to me!
    I need you, Yue! Return to me!_
    And every trace of her heart's longing echoed through
    herself and through Yukito, and she thought she heard a brief
    responding echo before a surge of light and power drove her
    physical body back a step and she stumbled and fell to her knees
    her hands going up to shield her eyes. All was very still in the
    room for a very long three seconds and then she was aware of the
    sound of wings above her and her arms came down and she slowly
    opened her eyes.
    "Are you alright, master?" Yue asked, kneeling beside her.
    She took the arm he offered and let him help her to her feet.
    It was Yue. It was her Yue, and she knew she shouldn't, but
    it had been weeks and weeks and she threw herself into his arms
    and hugged all the breath out of him.
    And he hugged her gently in return.
    ***
    Yue let the feelings of his master wash over him. He only
    had vague recollections of the time he'd spent in his other form,
    but it was good to know that he'd been missed. Very good.
    Giving her a gentle squeeze, he gave in to the spirit of the
    moment. He took a bit of guilty pleasure in savoring her
    emotions as they filled him. They were an appealing mixture of
    joy and relief and love. He waited for them to settle; to fade a
    little so that he could greet her without their distraction.
    They didn't seem to be going away.
    "Please never worry me like that again, Yue."
    "Forgive me, master." His hand came up and he began to
    gently stroke her hair. "I don't really understand what
    happened, but ..."
    He was touching her. Against all reason and good sense, he
    was touching her. His arm around her waist; his hand in her
    beautiful soft hair; her face pressed hard into his chest.
    Her feelings resonating through him.
    Ye gods.
    He couldn't push her away. Not this time. But something
    was different. Something was shining and exquisite and pure.
    Something that on a very fundamental level left him terrified.
    Deep in his soul, he felt a familiar spark grow a little
    hotter. This was an unforseen happening. He knew his own
    strength. He knew the height and breadth and depth of his own
    feelings. He knew that he could keep those feelings under
    complete control for any number of centuries.
    Provided nothing changed their dimensions or the strength of
    their pull on his heart, he knew he'd be safe. Free to stay as
    detached and objective as a proper guardian should be. As long
    as she continued to feel to him like a charge; a sister; an
    innocent in need of his support and protection. As long as her
    desire never matched or exceeded, or -- heaven help him --
    outshone his own as a sun to a sparkling of fireworks. If
    nothing ever blew on that tiny spark within him, if no one ever
    added fuel or oxygen, as long as he never had a reason to believe
    that she could return his feelings, add her own powerful emotions
    to his, love him from the very depths of her perfect and fiery
    soul, then ... then he would never be in danger of losing control
    of his desire for her.
    He clung to her a little more tightly. If his feet had been
    touching the ground, he might have gone a little weak in the
    knees. It was too much. Her feelings for him had changed
    greatly since they'd been together last. He wished he knew what
    had caused it. For whatever reason, he felt her intense and
    innocent desire as clearly as he felt her arms around him.
    He considered his options. She didn't have to know that
    he'd noticed. He could pretend that nothing had changed; that he
    too was happy for their reunion and leave it at that. He felt he
    needed time. Time to be alone. Time to reassess the spark
    before it slipped any farther from his control. Time to think
    about the possibilities and make sure that he would make a good
    decision. What could he do? An appeal to Touya was followed
    immediately by a strong impulse to kiss her. He repressed it
    savagely.
    But there she stood. Loving him. She clung to him
    demanding nothing; glad to be in his arms. He sensed no
    expectation in her; no nervousness or need. She was content just
    to be near him and know that he was well.
    Ah, Sakura.
    Always and forever more concerned with the happiness of
    others than her own happiness. Always strong inside and out even
    through her tears.
    She was so beautiful.
    She sniffed, overwhelmed by his return, and he smiled even
    as a tremor ran through him. She loved him. She loved him with
    the most pure devotion it was possible to feel. Affection,
    passion, adoration, and a longing that made him ache for her.
    _Peace,_ he told his beating heart, lest it betray him. _We
    must go carefully._ Carefully for the sorrow in his own soul.
    Carefully for all the loss she'd known in her life. Carefully
    because he knew that if he hurt her, Touya would come back from
    the grave and personally murder him.
    He pulled away slowly, found her tears and softly brushed
    them from her face. And after two hundred years, he noticed,
    perhaps for the first time, her perfect skin; her radiant green
    eyes, her clear expression. Such things had never been important
    to him before. Lately his heart had been pulled so many
    different ways. He'd felt confused and angry for reasons that,
    even now, he didn't fully understand. Now, an almost alien
    clarity let him look at his master with new eyes.
    Would it be so terrible?
    Would it be so wrong to give in to the wild and sweet desire
    that radiated from her? To throw himself into the passions she
    kept so carefully from showing in her eyes?
    The spark was a flame, and it was growing and growing, and
    if he wasn't careful it would go beyond his control and it would
    be too late. He wouldn't be able to stop it. He'd love her with
    that same abandon. He'd love her for all of his long long life.
    It should have mattered that he was her servant. It should
    have mattered that someday she would die and leave him with an
    eternity of sorrow. It should have mattered that nothing he ever
    did would make him worthy of her.
    But somewhere seas were being set ablaze. Somewhere stars
    were being pulled down from the sky.
    Nothing mattered.
    Nothing but the fire raging through him. Nothing but the
    need in her heart.
    They needed to talk about this. They should sit down like
    two rational adults and they should discus it. Once she knew
    that her feelings were clear to him, they could ... they could
    ... they really should ...
    Yue's hand slowly brushed her jaw, then came to rest on her
    cheek. She jumped, suddenly anxious, then stared up into his
    eyes. What she saw there filled her with a terror and excitement
    that almost undid the last of his control. He forced himself to
    take a deep breath, then whispered her name.
    Sakura trembled in his arms. Her fear was undeniable, but
    so was her desire. He might yet have escaped, but then she
    smiled. Slowly. Uncertainly. With all the love in her
    beautiful heart.
    He had to know the secret of that smile.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    One more chapter to go. That'll be out on Thursday.
    Next time: Himitsu desu. ^-^
    See ya there!
    


	8. .


    Okay, sorry this is a day late. I wrote the final scene over a month ago, but waited
    until Wednesday to decide that it needed to be re-written. What a time to get
    perfectionistic, no?
    Anyway, this is the final chapter of 'Ad Finem.' I hope you enjoy it. It's been a lot
    of fun to write. I'm aware that I did leave some loose ends. Most of those will be
    wrapped up in the sequel which should be ready in a month or so. Right now it's called
    'The Wasteland,' but I'm not sure whether I'll keep it or not.
    This is fanfiction, and I don't have any legal rights to any of the characters in it.
    Please send comments. Authors like that. ^-^
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    =============
    Chapter Eight
    =============
    She knew what was coming next. She didn't believe, but she
    knew. She had to close her eyes. She prayed that it wouldn't
    seem like too bold a thing to do, but she just couldn't watch.
    Couldn't keep looking at him and retain her sanity.
    After a few moments, she began to doubt. Nothing was
    happening. Had she imagined it all? How foolish she'd feel
    then. What if-
    Lips on lips. A soft, light touch. Warm and dry. And her
    heart fluttered, and her world shook, and her whole life seemed
    like no more than a prelude to this perfect, simple touch. She
    reached up and tangled her fingers in the hair at the back of his
    neck. It was not so much a caress as a physical way of anchoring
    herself into this reality. The reality where he loved her and
    needed her and wanted to kiss her.
    For a long time, nothing more happened. Just his lips and
    her lips and their lips. For a long time, that was enough. Then
    his thumb brushed her cheek lightly, and he made the tiniest of
    sounds deep in his throat, and suddenly she was hungry for more.
    She pulled a little; moved her lips a little.
    It was all the encouragement he needed. His kiss was
    everything she could have wanted. A bit rusty, perhaps, but not
    inexperienced. Full of passion barely held in check. Beautiful.
    Frightening. Far too brief.
    She shook when he pulled away. Her breath was rapid; her
    ears were ringing. She hugged him again, laying her head heavily
    on his shoulder. It was then that she realized that her feet had
    stopped touching the ground. She almost laughed. She could,
    more or less, ignore gravity at will, but it usually took at
    least *some* conscious effort.
    Yue noticed too and gave an amused sort of grunt. She
    supposed it was too soon for anything like actual laughter. Then
    his wings were wrapping around her, and his hand was searching
    for hers.
    "Oh, Yue."
    To be holding one another in silence was a wonderful thing.
    The revelation had been both swift and totally unexpected. She
    needed nothing so much as a few moments to gather her thoughts
    and wait for her heart to adjust to its change in altitude. She
    was glad of his firm grip and apparent calm. She knew the two of
    them would need a chance to talk about this; that one kiss,
    however divine, did not irrevocably settle a future, but right
    now she was a bit too excitable for anything so serious.
    Besides, it was difficult to concentrate with Yue running his
    hand through her hair like this. She sighed into his shoulder.
    This was definitely something she could get used to. His neck
    was awfully close to her lips. There it was, all white and
    smooth, and available. Perhaps she should lean a bit closer,
    and-
    Someone nearby cleared his throat.
    Keroberus.
    She had *completely* forgotten an *entire* guardian! What
    an embarrassing oversight! With the help of the wings still
    tightly wrapped around her, she resisted the compulsion to jump
    away from Yue like some guilty teen-ager. She suspected,
    however, that Kero-chan would not miss the signs of her
    mortification. She didn't want to look up. She buried her face
    in Yue's shoulder, and wished he'd hide her completely with those
    beautiful wings. He too seemed a little sheepish, though, and
    pulled away slowly doing his best to look bored and superior.
    The tangles she had left in his hair spoiled the effect a bit.
    Nothing for it, then. She willed her feet back to the
    ground. "Mou! Kero-chan! We were just getting to the good
    part!" Then she smiled, and went to her knees to hug him
    tightly.
    "Uh, excuse me, master ..." Yue stuttered. "But I have to
    ..." She looked up, but only managed to confirm to herself that
    her Moon Guardian was more flustered than she'd ever seen him. "
    ... Sorry," he concluded eloquently, then he made a hasty exit.
    Gone, no doubt, to gather what he could of his dignity.
    Sakura snorted into Kero-chan's fur. "I'm going to have to
    have a talk with that boy."
    "No doubt," an amused growl.
    "Oh, Kero-chan! He's back, he's safe, he's alright!" She
    squeezed him enthusiastically. "He *kissed* me!"
    "I noticed."
    "It was just ... I didn't ... I wasn't going to tell him. I
    was going to be so strong. And then, he ... How did he *know*?"
    Keroberus purred.
    "Is it too soon to be really really really happy?"
    Keroberus purred.
    "You're right. It's too soon. I should just wait and give
    him a chance to explain and not jump to conclusions and assume
    that it means anything really serious yet. I mean, he could have
    just ... really missed me, I suppose, but ... he *kissed* me!
    You saw him kiss me, right? Do you think he really ... How did
    he know?"
    Keroberus purred, and then began licking her face with his
    huge coarse-grade tongue. She appreciated the gesture, but
    pushed him away for the sake of maintaining her youthful
    complexion. "Cut it out, ya big pussy cat!"
    She stood and brushed the cat hair from her dress.
    "Kero-chan, do you think it's ... serious?"
    He looked at her solemnly. "Sakura-chan, no one is more
    surprised by what just happened than I am. I can't say why Yue
    ... greeted you so ... affectionately. But I do know that he'd
    never play with your feelings. I'm sure he'll come talk to you
    about this soon."
    She thought about that, then nodded. "I hope so. Thanks."
    She touched her lips in a stunned sort of way. "Kero-chan, what
    do you think about all of this?"
    He was quiet a little longer than she would have liked.
    When he did answer, his concern and love were both obvious.
    "Sakura, Yue is ... delicate. I know that you'll remember that.
    I know that you love him very much. I know that you'll be kind
    to him."
    "So ... so you don't ... mind?"
    He shook his head. "I hope you'll be happy. I suspect you
    will."
    She kneeled to hug him again. "Thanks, Kero-chan. You're
    the best!"
    "I know," he said. "You're lucky to have someone as cool as
    me around to help you with this stuff."
    ***
    For one such as he, it was easy to hide in the falling snow.
    It was white; grey; blue, it sparkled. He glided through the
    trees looking for ... something. Somewhere to exist in space;
    think his own thoughts; still his turbulent emotions.
    Except that they weren't turbulent. Not any more. For the
    first time in decades, he could really own his feelings; really
    examine them without fear and know that in ten minutes they'd be
    fundamentally unchanged.
    One more thing for To-ya to be smug about.
    So while his emotions were frightening, bright, and
    powerful, they weren't unpredictable now. They weren't vague or
    mercurial.
    He knew what he felt.
    He knew that when he watched the sun come up in the morning,
    his primary natural feeling would be love for Sakura.
    He knew that in a week's time, it would be love for Sakura.
    He knew that in years and decades and centuries, that
    feeling would remain unchanged and undiminished.
    And it engendered within him a host of secondary emotions
    that didn't keep him from loving her, but nevertheless made him
    tremble.
    How dare he presume to love some one like her?
    Without a rational thought in his head, he had just reached
    down and kissed her; given her a reason to believe that she and
    he could have ... could be ... could ...
    With all his heart he wanted to be with her. He wanted to
    go back. He wanted to take her in his arms and let the adoration
    and contentment that would again rise in her soothe away all the
    shame and guilt and doubt that had come to lay siege to the
    pillars of his love for her.
    If he voiced any of his doubts, he was sure that she'd be
    quick to banish them in her bright and chatty way. He knew that
    she would eventually wear down all of his objections. Even now
    he could feel her developing tentative expectations. She knew
    that he would come back to her. She knew that they would discuss
    ... possibilities. She was overwhelmed by the hope that was
    growing stronger and stronger every minute. She cautioned it;
    struggled to be logical and reasonable, but it was hope, and she
    was Sakura, and it was bound to win.
    He trembled as she fought off one very physical longing. He
    had to hold tight to a nearby tree until it passed, or in a flash
    of hair and feathers, he would be back at her side ... in her
    arms ...
    This was not going to be easy.
    There could be no denying Sakura. She wanted him,
    therefore, he was hers. There had been a time when he'd had a
    choice in the matter, but that time had come to an end the moment
    he had pressed his lips to hers; had opened within her that
    floodgate of expectation and hope. And now there would be no
    going back.
    In a moment of weakness, he had given himself to her
    irrevocably.
    He couldn't find it in himself to wish things had gone
    differently. He loved her, he desired her, she was utterly
    attainable.
    That didn't stop him from feeling guilty, unworthy, and
    foolish.
    "Oh, Sakura-sama! You deserve someone so much better than
    I. Someone understanding and ... human. Someone who is your
    equal."
    Waiting for an equal, however, would mean a long and lonely
    life for someone like her.
    "Why does she love *me* so much?" The trees had no answer.
    'To-ya, please?'
    Resignation. Patience. _What now?_
    Yue took a few deep breaths. He was in agony though he
    couldn't have said why. 'What should I do?'
    _Why torture yourself? What's so terrible about Yue that he
    doesn't deserve to be loved by someone wonderful?_ The question
    came gently, more clearly than he'd heard To-ya in a century,
    backed up by infinite love and tenderness without a trace of
    censure or irony.
    'But she's ...'
    _I know._
    'And I'm ...'
    _I know._
    He was miserable through and through.
    Amusement. _She'll get her way in the end. She always
    does._
    This observation did nothing to ease Yue's shame.
    Understanding. Loving encouragement. _You have two
    choices. You can love her and be happy, or you can love her and
    be miserable._
    'It's not that simple.'
    _It's exactly that simple._
    The temptation was strong. He wanted to hate himself for
    this indiscretion. He was ashamed of his weakness and
    unworthiness in the face of her benevolence and To-ya's. He knew
    that it wouldn't make Sakura happy, though, and To-ya would
    worry, so ... It was hard. It hurt. But he had to try. He had
    to do his best to make her happy. He had to offer his soul to
    her, and soon. Except ... 'What about you?'
    _What about me?_
    'It's you that I love first.'
    _But that's different ... now._
    Yue wasn't convinced. 'I would have stayed true to you for
    eternity. I wanted to.'
    Logic. Caring. _It doesn't work that way. You tried
    that. You were unhappy. It's time to try something different._
    A gentle reminder of his promise long ago. _Make her happy,
    Yue. You're the only one I trust._
    'I ... I'll try, To-ya.'
    _Promise._
    'To-ya ...'
    Insistence. Encouragement.
    _I ... I promise, To-ya._
    Gratitude. Faith. _I love you, Yue._
    Then his presence faded to background noise, and Yue
    listened, exhausted and overwhelmed, but with resolve. 'And I
    love you.'
    Another promise to To-ya. He'd kept the last one
    mechanically; to the letter. This one he would throw himself
    into with determination.
    He would love Sakura.
    He would cherish her for as long as she would let him. He
    would hold her in his heart for his eternity.
    His fears were real, but she had found him worthy. To-ya,
    even, thought him a fitting match for his precious sister. The
    ultimate approval. His heart was still full of many things, but
    the hope and the happiness were beginning to push back the doubt.
    The light was beginning to fill his soul.
    They would talk. They would come to an agreement about the
    future, and...
    He quailed. Oh, it wasn't so easy! She was so perfect! So
    powerful! He couldn't just walk up to her, and ...
    Chastising himself for cowardice, he found a sturdy branch
    to rest on. For hours, he sat formulating a plan. They had to
    speak. Alone. Setting was key, and so was timing. He consulted
    his internal chronometer. Two days. He had two days to rally
    his courage and plan his words. In two days, he needed to be
    ready.
    ========
    Epilogue
    ========
    She followed Yue through the cold and cloudless sky trying
    hard to stay calm. He'd come to her at dusk after two days of
    relative silence, guilty glances, and stolen intimacies. He'd
    said they needed to be alone; that they needed to talk. He'd
    asked for her time and her trust, and had brought her here; had
    said she'd like it; that it was a good place for solitude and
    reflection. They'd traveled by air to the far side of a nearby
    peak, and up the slope to a hidden mountain lake. She found
    herself wondering what it would look like in the spring.
    "You're right," said Sakura breathlessly. "This place is
    absolutely beautiful." As she folded her wings into non-
    existence, she looked again at the small lake, now frozen and
    snow covered, the ring of trees that defined it, and the white
    meadow sparkling in the starlight.
    Yue cleared the snow from one fallen tree with a soft
    magical breeze, removed his drape, and with slow and deliberate
    grace, folded it neatly over the trunk. He took his master's
    hand gallantly, and they sat. "It's not far from home. It's
    nearly impossible to reach on foot."
    She leaned close, resting against him. "I know how
    important it is to have a place to be alone," she said. "I'm ...
    I'm really honored that you'd share this place with me."
    He glanced down at his feet in the snow, then smiled
    slightly. "There are some things we should talk about. I
    thought you'd like it here."
    She was becoming used to the feeling of his wings around
    her. She wondered how much of it was instinctive to him. At the
    moment, she appreciated both the physical warmth, and the
    affection the act represented. He was becoming more comfortable
    with the idea of being with her in intimate ways. They had not
    done more than kiss in the days since his return, but every day
    his tension decreased, and she somehow sensed that his mind was
    catching up to his emotions.
    She was grateful for both the reserve he showed, and for the
    intense desire that he only hinted at. One helped her to feel
    unthreatened in this new love, the other to feel confident that
    it was real; that he hadn't merely sensed the fantasy lover that
    she hadn't meant to make him into in her mind. He *did* love
    her. He did want to be hers. She was glad of it. She let go of
    his hand to put her arms around him, and sighed when he responded
    in kind. She snuggled close to him with a happy murmur. He bent
    to kiss the top of her head; stroked her hair with his free hand;
    brushed her cheek.
    They sat in silence several minutes each thinking their own
    thoughts and savoring the other's nearness and the beauty of the
    night. The warmth and peace were hypnotic, and Sakura found
    herself fighting off sleep, but she clung to him, and smelled
    him, and thought of all the things that had not yet happened
    between them, and all the things that soon they would each say.
    There was no reason to rush either.
    To be held by him, in this, his most sacred place was enough
    for now. This time together had been his idea, and she would let
    him use it for whatever his dream said should happen next. If he
    was content merely to hold her -- a more tender and romantic
    gesture than she'd have suspected him capable of -- she was more
    than happy to give him the chance.
    There was something so familiar about this ...
    Hadn't he held her like this ...
    Ah.
    With quiet happiness, she remembered her dreams. She didn't
    know how often, or for how long, but there had been dreams about
    this. Dreams where his wings had been around her. Dreams that
    had prepared her, perhaps, for the particular joy of being loved
    by someone like Yue. The future was less than totally open to
    her, but even as a child, there had always been dreams. She
    sometimes wondered how they were supposed to be helpful when she
    couldn't remember them the majority of the time, but that was
    magic for you.
    After what she guessed from the movement of the stars was,
    perhaps, half an hour, he pointed straight ahead out across the
    field, south east over the lake, and through the trees. Her
    breath caught as the snowscape came slowly to life. The trees
    sparkled as moonglow revealed itself. Soft white light through a
    million tiny prisms of ice. She was nearly overwhelmed by the
    pristine beauty of it all, and she knew that it was only the
    beginning.
    At last, the moon showed itself through the trees. It was
    full and white and perfect, and suddenly she knew that he had
    planned this night on many levels. He was at the height of his
    power, and his courage would not fail him. He had brought her
    here with a clear purpose in mind, and he would not be swayed
    from it.
    With all her heart, she rejoiced in the knowledge that
    before the moon set, all would be resolved between them for all
    time. She pulled her gaze away from that wonderful moon, and
    looked up to find him watching her. She smiled, shy and happy,
    and put one hand lightly on his chest. The night was lovely, but
    she would rather look at him. He seemed to want to kiss her
    again, but he merely turned to face her fully, and placed both
    hands on her waist.
    "Sakura-sama, I'd ... I think it's time we talked."
    She nodded seriously, then waited, entranced by the emotion
    in his eyes.
    "You must know that I ... that I adore you. I wouldn't have
    said anything except that ... I thought you might ... not mind.
    You've been a very good master to me, and I know that I should be
    content. I wasn't going to tell you that I had come to ... feel
    strongly about you. But then I didn't see you for so long ...
    couldn't be near you or help you and ... I just *missed* you so
    very much. It seemed to me ... It seemed to me that when I came
    back ... you ... I still wouldn't have said anything, but it
    seemed to me that your feelings had changed too."
    Sakura shook her head. "Yue ..."
    He seemed confused. "Was I wrong? I ..."
    "No! Yue, I ... " She held him tightly. "Yue, my feelings
    for you ... they ... they haven't changed since I was little. I
    ... I *love* you. I've *always* loved you. I just ... I buried
    it so deep. I tried to forget. You're my obsession. My
    inspiration. It's been so long. I thought I had it all under
    control, but you ... Yue, when you fell, when I didn't know what
    had happened or if you were alright ..."
    He was brushing tears from her face. Again. And she didn't
    even remember beginning to cry.
    "I nearly came undone, Yue. I thought ... Oh, I was
    frightened. It all came rushing back to me. All those feelings.
    All that frustrated desire. I knew then that I've never stopped
    loving you. You fill my heart. You always have."
    She leaned forward and rested her weight on him. She could
    feel his breath on her neck. She held tight. "I ... I don't
    want you to feel like that obligates you, Yue. I don't need to
    be loved by you to be happy. I'm content to be near you; content
    to be your friend. If ... if this isn't what's in your heart,
    then I ... I don't want it."
    "I know that."
    She looked up at him again. His eyes were clear and
    intense. His grip was firm. He smiled. "You think only of
    others. You give so completely of yourself. I exist only to
    serve you, and yet, you gave me my freedom all those years ago.
    You may not know this, but you didn't have to. You could have
    bound me to you back then, but you didn't. I was happy because
    my happiness was more important to you than your own. Nothing
    has changed, my beloved master. You have the power to capture
    this heart by the strength of your will, and yet you don't. I
    see your desire, but also your fear. Stop worrying. I am yours
    because I choose to be. I am yours because you are the most
    beautiful woman I have ever known. I am more flattered; more
    honored; more humbled than you could ever dream to know that you
    have found me worthy."
    Very slowly, he pulled away from her and stood. She watched
    as he straightened, his feet not leaving the ground. Almost
    visibly, he gathered something ethereal around him. Not his
    power. Something more fundamental and universal. Something that
    gave him a deeper dignity. An air of emotional gravity that
    unconsciously made her take in a deep breath and hold it for a
    long time.
    With grace, he knelt before her and placed his head in her
    lap. She took his hands and pulled, urging him to rise, but he
    remained there, worshiping her, the sense of formality stong all
    around him. "And so again I pledge myself to you. My body is
    yours and my power, but from this day forth, you possess my heart
    as well. By those stars and that moon, I swear to love and adore
    you forever."
    "Oh, Yue, get up," she whispered hoarsely, but he merely
    tightened his grip on her hands, and pressed his head more firmly
    into her lap. A formal pledge. An act of subjugation to his
    master, but so much more. She couldn't stop him from giving up
    everything to make her happy. She could only promise to do the
    same for him. She rose, then knelt to join him, her knees
    touching his in the snow. He turned to her, and she pressed her
    forehead against his. He'd said the words. He'd promised to
    love her forever. He was helping her to redefine happiness.
    Nothing else mattered.
    Almost nothing.
    "What about ... ?"
    He squeezed her hand. "What is it, master?"
    Master. Oh, well. They could work on that. "What about
    ... Yukito-san?"
    "What about him?"
    She held on a little tighter to fight off any doubts her
    words might bring him. He *must* believe that she loved him no
    matter what. "Will this ... hurt him? I know he's not ready for
    ..."
    "He's not ready now. He'll be ready someday. Be patient."
    "But you and I ..."
    He kissed her, briefly, but with an inherent promise for
    many more to come. He was ready *now*. No baggage, no regrets
    or entanglements. He looked at her again, then placed her hand
    over his chest. "I can't help it." he said. "This heart is
    yours. Everything else is a minor detail. That he will love you
    as I do is inevitable. You will know when the time is right."
    "But ..."
    Yue looked inside himself. "He's surprised. He didn't
    know. But he doesn't mind."
    "Doesn't mind?"
    He smiled mysteriously leaning in close. "He thinks it's
    only Yue that loves you." he whispered. "We'll let him believe
    that for now, shall we?"
    It wasn't the fact that he was conspiring against Yukito
    that surprised her. It was the fact that he was taking such joy
    in it. "Won't he hear you?"
    "He won't hear anything from me that he isn't ready to
    believe. He'll find this memory someday. When we've grown
    closer together again."
    "I suppose ... if you're sure."
    He nodded gravely.
    That made it her turn. She wasn't really good with formal.
    Especially when she was excited or happy. He'd just have to
    settle for earnest. "Then ... then I promise. I promise too. I
    love you. I'll love you forever. I belong to you as surely as
    ever you belonged to me. You have always been such a wonderful
    and loyal friend. It makes me so happy to know that finally we
    both feel the same way. So I will give you my love for as long
    as I live." The words seemed so flawed and inadequate, but they
    were enough. She felt the power of the words, she added her
    magical will to them and felt him do the same. Guided by some
    shared instinct, they raised their joined hands between them,
    closed their eyes, and felt the bond take effect.
    "So be it," whispered Yue.
    "So be it," she repeated breathlessly.
    They looked at each other smiling foolishly for a long time,
    then shared a gentle kiss. Sakura's heart sang within her for
    the beauty of this perfect moment. Her head rested on his
    shoulder, and she closed her eyes again.
    A strange energy stirred. It came from him, but he seemed
    unaware of it. A quiet voice that she somehow knew he couldn't
    hear whispered 'About damned time.'
    She smiled into her beloved's neck. 'Onii-chan, are you
    really okay with all of this?'
    'Not really. I'm jealous as hell.'
    'It wasn't exactly my idea, you know. If it hadn't been for
    you...'
    He somehow sighed. 'He needed this. You both did. Both of
    you all wrapped up in your own problems. Bereavement.
    Loneliness. Duty. Couple of martyrs. You think it made me happy
    seeing you both so stoic and brave? The happier the two of you
    are, the easier my job will be. The closer you stay to each
    other, the less I'll have to worry about either of you.'
    She snuggled closer to Yue, and melted a little more when he
    gently stroked her back. His wings flexed, extended to their
    full span, then once again, folded tightly around her. They
    reminded her again of ...
    'My dreams! Onii-chan! Thank you for the dreams! Without
    them, I might never have figured it out.'
    'What dreams?'
    They still weren't completely clear in her mind, but she
    sent him the impression of contentment. 'The warm dreams. The
    ones with the feathers.'
    'I didn't send you any dreams like that.'
    'Of course you did. I would wake up warm and happy. Who
    else would know what it would be like? I-'
    'They didn't come from me. Those dreams where you kept
    getting chased around the basement by that angry water buffalo
    spirit? Those were from me. Nothing about feathers, though.'
    'Onii-chan!' But she was happy. Unbelievably happy. 'So
    now we can fix him?'
    'Won't be easy.'
    'But you know what to do?'
    'Nope. But I'm sure you'll figure it out.'
    'Onii-chan!'
    'You worry too much. It's your wedding night. Enjoy
    yourself. Be happy. There's time for-'
    'Solving of great mysteries later. I know, I know.'
    He seemed amused. 'Right now just concentrate on making him
    happy. Love him. Teach him to laugh again. Yue has a beautiful
    laugh.'
    'I remember.'
    'Now go do unspeakable things or something. I've got stuff
    to do.'
    She blushed. 'Thank you, onii-chan.'
    'Whatever.'
    And he was gone.
    And in a snow-layered mountain clearing, the greatest
    magician of all time held her beloved close, and turned her face
    to the moon, and laughed for joy.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    Did everyone save room for sequels? ^-^
    Thanks for reading!
    .\\ichelle Thatcher
    http://www.akane.org/michelle
    


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